Little faith? Help me in my unbelief!

I have been reading Job for the past few days.  My cousin suddenly had a series of horrible things occur around her life: a friend's child died suddenly, her aging grandmother fell in the middle of the night breaking her hip, and she got a report from the doctor that there was problem with her mammogram.  All in a series of hours this occurred.  She was handling it all with such outward grace and faith and it made me think of Job.  As the days from this passed it seemed like she couldn't get a breath of fresh air without another piece of news.  My heart truly felt overwhelmed for her and I found I was praying constantly.  As things occurred in "my world" during this time, I just kept thinking I don't know how she is doing it.  I prayed for wisdom, discernment, healing, peace, comfort, and so much more for her, but mostly I thanked God for her faith, and for showing her blessings even in this troubled time.  I asked God to strengthen her as well because I know sometimes my outsides don't match my insides.  I hate when people commend my faith when inside I am wrestling with Him.  I tried to encourage her that if she was feeling this, it would be okay.  I think, more than anything, I wanted her to admit she was so I wouldn't feel so alone and inept.

Our faith can be in Him and we can still struggle with the events surrounding us.  I know the plans He has for me are to bring me hope and a future.  And I know that He can work ALL things for good.  I know with and in Christ ANYTHING is possible.  I do believe!  However, like the centurion in Mark 9:24, sometimes I need help with my moments of unbelief.  I don't think that this unbelief is necessarily in God.  We believe in God, but sometimes the events in our life are unbelievable.  Kind of an "I can't believe this is happening right now" moment.  In my head, my heart and the depths of my soul, I know that God is with me; that He loves me and will never forsake me.  But I sometimes become overwhelmed for a moment and feel like I'm watching from the outside...like it can't be my life.  These are the moments of unbelief I need help with.  And God, true to His word, never leaves me nor forsakes me and helps me find my way back to that strength of faith He has so blessed my life with.  There are moments when I like Peter, start to walk on water, but begin to sink as my focus moves from God to me and my faith falters.  And just like with Peter, Christ pulls me up and saves me - the one with little faith.  

This morning, as I was reading in Job, I found this segment:

"When I think my bed will comfort me and my couch will ease my complaint, even then you frighten me with dreams and terrify me with visions, so that I prefer strangling and death, rather than this body of mine."  (Job 7:13-15 NIV)

In the story, Job is talking to God here.  I found this interesting, not because I have had this conversation with God, but just the opposite.  I have prayed this to God in reference to the devil.  I don't think that God frightens me with my dreams or terrifies me with visions.  I believe that the devil uses these tools, or in his case toys, to try to tempt me away from God.  To place so extreme a fear in me that I question God's plan.  To place a barrier between us.  This morning is a perfect example.  I awoke to my daughter not being home.  Of course I felt angry because she promised she would be as I asked for a favor today.  But more than that, my mind instantly went to a morning 4 years ago.  A morning where her not being home led to a family emergency.  When I looked into her bedroom, my head was immediately filled with the vision of that day.  That day took me down into a dark valley that I am still trying completely climb out of.  God did not place this vision in me, the evil one did.  He wants me to live in fear, terrified to make a move.  But God did not give me a spirit of fear.  He gave me a spirit of power, love and self discipline.  Immediately, I praised God for giving me my daughter.  I thanked Him for loving her even more than I do and for knowing the plans He has for her.  I thanked Him for partnering with me to raise her, so that I wasn't alone.  Then I asked Him to help me in my unbelief.  To deliver me from that vision and the pain and anger that comes with it.  My daughter is on a path right now I don't understand.  And my vision is very limited as I only see one part, and that part hurts my heart.  But God knows and sees fully.  He understands.  He can work all things, even these moments, for good.  He can use her according to the purpose He has for her.  He loves her with an everlasting love.  I am of little faith, but faith even as small as a mustard seed can take root and move mountains.  Sometimes we fake it in the outside until our insides catch up.  But God will help us in our unbelief and oh, the peace He brings!

Thank you, God, for knowing the plans you have for us.  And for your love, your strength, your faith, and your peace.  May you use us to build your kingdom.  Amen.