Saturday, May 30, 2015

When the Mission Seems Impossible

Today I started a new devotional.  It started with Acts 1:1-8.  Then it asked the following questions: 

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by something you know God has called you to do? Do you follow through in obedience? What was the ultimate result?

I think that more often I feel overwhelmed because I feel unsure of what God has asked or wants me to do.  I wish He spoke with neon lights or little notes left on my pillow or a text or email clearly defining the plan would be great.  But there definitely have been a few times that I definitively knew what He was calling me to and didn't always love the idea or lack of agreement or assuredness we shared.  I do try to follow through in obedience, but often need a lot of reminding and a lot of encouragement that "This is God's plan for me."  I even often need a lot of second chances to veer back to the path after chasing a squirrel.  I am apparently a very slow learner.  

One case in particular that immediately comes to mind is with my job.  2 summers ago I felt it was time to leave teaching.  I was stressed out, burnt out, bummed out and just about every other negative term you can think of. It hadn't been a horrible year.  I had looped with my class and I loved them and their parents, but I was just done with all that teaching entails, especially the little things the outside world just doesn't see or realize they put on us.  I had been asked to consider a position outside the classroom.  After praying about, I felt so convicted that God was telling me my time in the classroom wasn't done.  But what if this other position gave me more freedom?  What if it would require me to spend less?  What if it would take away the added stress of lesson plans, testing, conferencing with parents?  What if I got to travel?  What if? What it? What if?  I have very few times that I ever felt God so clearly give me a direction.  "I am NOT done with you here yet.  You have more work to do."  So, I stayed.  I thanked the person with the offer but just felt that now was not the time.  I knew I had to stay, but wondered how much I was going to regret it.  I felt like I did as a child being told I couldn't go to the birthday party because of other plans, but I just knew that it was going to be better than what I had. 

The last 2 years have been....WOW!  The first year was very challenging, but at the end of the year, I knew exactly why I had been called to stay.  It wasn't easy, but I saw the why. Last summer I considered it again and after talking and praying with my closest friend, we agreed God wanted me in the classroom.  This year has been amazing.  I have had the opportunity to work with a hearing impaired child that has stretched my teaching to new limits. I have been invigorated and refreshed.  I have a class of such darlings that in December I started getting teary when people mentioned the end of the year.  I was chosen our school's teacher of the year, an honor that has filled my heart with such encouragement through comments of my peers and our parents that I can't express the joy adequately.  And that has also caused me to be reflective; I have had the chance to see how much I have learned and grown through my boss and coworkers.  I also have seen such heartache in others that I have been driven to not wait until tomorrow to let others know how much I appreciate them or the things they do.  My heart has grown.  

Has it been easy?  No!  Has it been smooth and stress free?  Absolutely not!  Has it been all roses and blessings?  No way!  Has it been worth it?  Definitely!  I am grateful for the blessings.  I am grateful for the lessons (even if some came through really hard times).  I am grateful for the relationships.  I am grateful for the way He has shown me His will and my purpose in it.  Most of all, I am grateful for His love and His plan for me even when it's not what I want or think is best.  I am so grateful that He knows that plans He has for me, plans to prosper me and to give me hope and a future.  I am so grateful that He can use even someone like me and I can't wait to see what He has for me in the future!!!

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