Pregnant with Hope

"For you have been my hope, Sovereign Lord, my confidence since my youth. From birth I have relied on you; you brought me forth from my mother’s womb. I will ever praise you. I have become a sign to many; you are my strong refuge. My mouth is filled with your praise, declaring your splendor all day long....As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more. My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds, of your saving acts all day long— though I know not how to relate them all. I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, Sovereign Lord; I will proclaim your righteous deeds, yours alone. Since my youth, God, you have taught me, and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds. Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, my God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your mighty acts to all who are to come. Your righteousness, God, reaches to the heavens, you who have done great things. Who is like you, God? Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once more.”   Psalm 71:5-8, 14-21 NIV

A few weeks ago, our youth pastor gave a sermon.  In the midst of talking about the advent season, he used the phrase 'pregnant with hope' and instantly I smiled.  He had put words to the feelings overwhelming my whole self.

This advent has been such a sacred time.  My oldest daughter is pregnant with her first child, due right in the heart of this special season.  I can't stop thinking of Mary and her anxious anticipation of the birth of her sweet baby.  Much like Mary's, this baby was a surprise.  At first such shocking news that many were unsure what to think.  The timing was not of our choosing.  There was a denial of reality, especially since the pregnancy didn't reveal itself for 26 weeks.  (Which I have since learned is not so unusual.)  My daughter, not quite as young as Mary, but at 24, still seeming young for such a big undertaking.  The initial reaction was fear, but also of submission; ready or not for this change, a baby was coming.  And God's hand was obviously in it.  You'd have to work very hard or be quite blind to see it any other way.  

The funny thing to me has been the peace that I've had.  God has placed in me a wisdom and discernment; an encouragement and a calm spirit (all things I'm not always known for, especially in regards to my children).....and hope.  For as long as I can remember my life has been filled with hope.  Regardless of how hard it has been, every morning I awaken with hope.  Sometimes considered foolish, sometimes brave, often naive or juvenile...but always there.  I have, over the years, put on a jaded shell to protect my heart, but anyone who really knows me, knows it is an act.  My heart is tender and full of hope.  

During this whirlwind pregnancy, there have been challenges.  Yet never once have I doubted.  There have been moments of medical concern.  Yet I feel a confidence I can't explain.  There have been moments of surrender.  Yet I have had the strength to let go and seek help - I am not very good at that.   I have had the blessing of seeing God's hand at work.  Oh, what a gift during advent!   And the anticipation is so palpable that I feel I could burst!  But it's not just for this sweet baby's birth, rather it is for the hope I see in all the lives surrounding this.  I am pregnant with hope!  Hope has so filled my soul that words cannot express the joy in my heart.  I do anxiously await the birth of my first grandchild, Lorelai Grace, but even more I await to see all that God has in store!

Lord, I thank you for this advent season and the way you have chosen to make the nativity story real and new for me once again.  As the psalmist declares in psalm 71, "My mouth is filled with your praise, declaring your splendor all day long....As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more."  Thank you for choosing our family for this amazing gift.  Thank you for the new life you are bringing into our midst and for the baby joining our family.  Thank you for your watchful hand upon her and her parents.  Most of all, I thank you for the promise you have placed in my heart, for you know the plans you have for each of us; plans to give us hope.  Amen.