Feeling weak

I've recently begun doing the Experiencing God bible study...again.  This will be the 3rd time, but each time I've done it, I've gotten so much out of it and so much that I didn't catch before.  And it's always so timely.  God's just always amazing like that.  Lately (meaning almost to over a year now) I've been feeling so defeated, so low.  No matter how hard I try I can't seem to get myself back to where I want to be: not financially, not emotionally, not physically, not spiritually.  And no amount of perseverance seems to be helping.  I've wondered if it's time to seek professional help, as the more I can't get out of this funk.  I've spent months crying out to God.  And well, just crying and beating myself up.  "There must be something wrong with me."  "My faith must not be strong enough."  "I must be outside of His plan for me, because I just don't feel Him."  "Why can't He answer my cry?  Show me what to do?"  "Why does it feel that the more I ask for help, the quieter it gets from Him?"  "Why does satan keep whispering lies even when I pray?  I feel like I say, 'Get Behind me!' everyday."  I've reached a point that although I know God can use me, maybe He's just decided not to anymore because I'm so blech.  (very technical term for how I'm feeling)  :)

It's not that at any point I've thought God has left me or that He isn't there.  I know He is.  I see it everyday.  I can still find blessings.  But I just feel unusable.  Then today, He sent me a line to remind me.

"If you feel weak, limited, or ordinary, you are the best material through which God works." (Blackaby; Experiencing God p. 28)

Lord, you know how weak I feel.  I feel most of the time that I can't even hold up my head anymore.  Limited is an understatement and I am less than ordinary.  But according to You, that makes me the best material through which You work.  You didn't use Moses or Gideon or Ruth or even Mary during times when they felt on top of the world.  You used them when they felt like they couldn't go on.  The sadness, the embarrassment, life had just gotten to be too much for them.  So I walk in faith today, Abba.  I pray that you are bringing me to where you need to be able to use me.  Use me, Lord, as You will, but please never leave my side, nor take Your strength.  I don't live in my own, Lord.  I don't have any of my own.  Lord, when I look at my life I don't see any way any part of it can work out in a positive way, but yet at the end of each day, You have gotten me through.  I know that it's Your strength, Abba, it has to be.  Thank you for hearing my cry.  Thank you for whatever it is You have planned.  Thank you for what you are doing in my life.  May it bring honor, glory and praise to you and may I experience You on the way.  Amen.