As I sat thinking about the story, I got thinking about the situation I am in right now in my life. Here I am getting ready for the holidays and trying to decide the best gifts for others and yet at the same time, I am trying to determine what I can live without as my situation right now necessitates me moving my family of 4 into my mother's home. We will be going from a 3 1/2 bedroom house with decent size common rooms and a full shed to sharing 2 bedrooms at my mom's. That's a lot to go into storage and do I need it all? Of course, some things, like the dishes, pots and pans, even towels can go temporarily into storage until the spring my daughter and 3 roommates move into their off campus apartment. But what about the rest? Do I keep all the second hand furniture or do I let it go to someone who may need it more?
Not only does this make me take a hard look at my life, but also sometimes causes my brain to battle between excess and wants. With the exception of my son's bed, all of the furniture in my house is many years old and most of it things given away as others got new things. I've never had that new and cushy couch of that high 4 poster bed or was I even able to give my kids the trendy bedroom set they wanted. But there is the fake brass bed in my bedroom that Mom and Dad bought for my when we settled in here on Florida...when I was in 6th grade. And the dressers? They belonged to my parents for 25 years before they came to me. There in the pull out bed in in my daughter's room that served as our couch/living room camping space which came from a friend of my mother' when she still worked at Stetson. After being used for many a weekend movie or tv marathon, it moved to my daughter's room when she and her sister split up and got their own rooms. It was replaced on the loving room but a 2 piece set that a coworker was getting rid of. Both pieces never fit so one went to the curb, but the other has had many flips and Saturday bounce fests from my son and many evening snuggles while we read a book. The entertainment center is broken in at least 2 different spots, but it was $29 at Kmart 20 years ago when I was becoming a single mom. I bought it with money from my brother and put its cardboard like pieces together by myself. As I think about the memories involved in each piece, I stop. Brand new things would have had memories too by now. But would they have made me more content? Buying a new couch would have taken money and that may have prevented us from being able to buy those marathon DVDs we've watched a hundred times or the pizza or groceries that allowed us to not leave our camping cave of the living room. Getting the girls new furniture could have meant no money for those trips to Blue Springs with their friends or the Saturdays at Sea World or the trips with the youth group.
Don't get me wrong, I'm human and have wants, but I also know that God can provide that too, if it is in His will. For example, I wanted an iPad. I would never make that kind of purchase for myself and I knew I could live without it and be just fine. My sweet little boy tried to save up for one for me last year and so my brother bought me one for Christmas. I read books, use it in my classroom, connect with others through social media, watch tv/movies, and yes, play games on it. But do you know what my favorite feature is? The bible app. When I am sick or having a rough night, I can click it open and not. Only are there a ton of translations to the word that ease my soul, but it will read it to me. I make notes at church on it. Ben and I use it to do devotions and listen to Adventures in Odyssey. We even lit the advent wreath on it last night. There are therapy games for my son's fine motor skills, and for his social and emotional growth. I didn't need it, but God saw a way He could use it to help me grow and provided it. I can now blog from anywhere!
Even now, in this situation I am in, God is still providing for my every need. Although it is tight and uncomfortable and I feel so like a failure for being in this situation, God shows me Light. I have a roof over my family's heads and warm beds to shelter them on the cooler nights. There is food on the table. This may be temporary or maybe God has a bigger plan. And although I wanted to be able to save the day or do more for my children, I have one at Penn State, one working and figuring out where to turn, and one who now has a chance to see Grandma everyday and feel the love of another in his life. As a single mom, I have an extra pair of hands and eyes for my 3 little (or big) blessings and I have the opportunity to help my mom too. At 74, she is living in a house that is a lot to keep up with. She keeps herself busy and sometimes gets so caught up in the cleaning and her schedule, she forgets to eat. She gets nervous about strangers in the neighborhood and I am much safer on a ladder, plus my extra inch can help reach things and I can zip up her dresses or fix computer issues. I have someone to talk to at the end of the long day and someone to help keep things clean and organized when I am overwhelmed at work. And even though there are TVs and more channels than we could ever dream of (I never could afford cable - and in our area there was no antenna reception), we still spend enjoy spending time playing Zion Check (rummy style card game) while we laugh.
I hate that this is happening at Christmastime but it could put such a damper on the holidays. Or could it be just what we need to focus on this season? I have found myself making recommendations to the many people I know seeking for gift ideas for their own family. Give them a trip or a day together. Something you can share and enjoy the memories forever. The truth is things will come and go, needs change, become outdated, but family is forever.
Thank you, Abba, for providing for my every need and today especially for reminding me that wants may not be what You need to help me grow .
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