When Doubt Whispers "I Can't Follow God Consistently"
"When I come to the Lord after I've blown it, I come with only one appeal: His mercy. I've no other defense. I can't escape my biggest problem: me! So I leave the courtroom of my own defense. Because of what Jesus has done, God looks on me with mercy. It's my only appeal, it's the source of my hope, it's my life." ~Paul David Tripp
She begins this chapter with a scenario we've all been through. One where we totally lose it and become the absolute worst example of ourselves. One where we've let the little things get to us and we just explode. One of those times when absolutely nothing goes right, but rather every step is like a minefield in which not only is there tension to step, but with every step we're setting off a bomb and each progressively getting stronger. Finally, we are the final bomb blowing up at the ones we love. She talks about the next day, when she awakens overwhelmed with shame and guilt. She then reveals the truth she learned: she needed His peace in the midst of her storm, but she didn't even think to ask Him in the heat of the moment. Instead she had allowed her emotions to run wild within her. Oh, how I could relate to the story.
She talks about how, when she finally did approach God with the situation and was blessed by His grace, He reminded her of men and women in Scripture whom He used greatly - despite their downfalls. I too was blessed by God, in that He began to call to my mind how many of the recollections in the Bible are stories of triumph coming from tragedy or failure: David, Abraham, Paul/Saul, Peter, Martha, Gideon, the centurion, Noah, Jonah - the list goes on and on. She learned that our hearts can be set free from guilt-induced doubt and we can find grace-induced confidence. There are still consequences and it may take a lot of time to restore relationships, but God's forgiveness sets us free.
"I want you to know we all blow it, but God offers grace (unmerited favor) to cover our guilt. Satan wants us to think we're the only ones who mess up, but it happens to all of us, every day." (p. 186)
Grace could stand for God's Riches At Christ's Expense. She used to feel far from God, having to work through periods of inconsistency with God. She's been through seasons of self-sufficiency or unbelief or other sins. Finally she'd get defeated and wonder what's the use in trying if she was only going to fail again. But she has learned it's not about trying harder. It's about turning sooner to God's gift of grace. Grace is undeserved favor. We don't have to earn it and we can't lose it when we act undeserving. It is expensive, but it has already been paid for. It's not a license to sin, but rather when you've truly received it you want to return the gift by offering up your life to Him.
She tells the story of Gideon who was the least likely leader to guide the Israelites to victory, yet he did. In this story, God is very patient with Gideon in the time it took him to trust God completely. Although Gideon's faith was inconsistent, God's love and patience were absolutely constant. We, like Gideon, often wonder why life has to be so hard; why certain things must happen; and may even feel abandoned by God in the midst of troubled times and disappointments. However, our feelings don't change the fact that God keeps His promises - He will never leave us nor forsake us. Asking why isn't unspiritual. However, if asking why pushes us farther from God rather than drawing us closer to Him, then it is the wrong question. Gideon's why drew him closer to God because God's answer helped him to focus from hard things that happened in his past to what God was about to do: be part of the solution.
In the story, Gideon knew about God, but he didn't know God personally. He knew what others had said about God and about what He had done in the past. Gideon's perception of God included feelings of reverence but also feelings of abandonment. Gideon must have been seeking God and desiring to follow Him, because God chose to come to him and to use him. We may have that same problem; we may know about God, but we may not know God personally. Close relationships are built over time when we share life together. To build a relationsip with God and get to know Him personally, we need to spend time with Him, talking, listening, and observing who He is. Our depth of knowing God comes when we depend on Him and discover that He is dependable. We learn to trust His heart by interacting with Him and experiencing His character in personal ways. God has several names that show who He is and what He does for us. By learning to look into our lives and see Him in these ways and by calling Him by these names while we pray, we are getting to know Him in His nature.
Returning to Gideon, she emphasizes how God uses this story to show His patience with us. Every time Gideon takes two steps forward into confidence in God, he takes a step back. Yet God never gives up. When Gideon asks for signs of confirmation, God knows His need and loves His heart for seeking Him whom the path of life and strength comes from and gives those signs. God is asking Gideon to face an army of 153,000 with followers of a few hundred. He wants Israel to see that in Him all things are possible. Even in the final moments before battle, God knows Gideon's need. When He tells Gideon that this is the time, He tells him, "If you are afraid to attack, go down to the camp with your servant Purah and listen to what they are saying. Afterward, you will be encouraged to attack the camp." (vv. 10-11) God knows Gideon personally. He knows and loves him for wanting to do God's will, but also that he is trying to conquer his fears. God gives Gideon everything he needs to be strong; to find confidence in God's plan. When Gideon walks in confidence, his followers walk in confidence. "Gideon learned to follow God more consistently by depending on God's strength instead of his own. He shifted his focus from doubting himself to believing his God."
God wants us to live dependent on Him not independently. However, the enemy is ready and waiting to whisper doubts. We need to be ready to fight those doubts with God's promises. When you feel weak; like you can't do it...remember Gideon's story and know that God is patiently waiting for you.
Praying God's Promises:
Lord, than You that I can approach Your throne of grace with confidence and receive mercy and find grace to help me in my time of need. Because of Your mercy and forgiveness, my guilt-induced doubt is replaced by grace induced confidence. Help me trust You with all my heart and not lean on my own understanding, acknowledging You in all my ways so You can make my path straight. Those who know Your name trust You, Lord, because You have never deserted those who seek Your help.
I want to know You as Emmanuel - My God with Me; El Hanne'eman- My Faithful God; El Roi- The God Who Sees Me; El ha-Gibbor- God My Hero; El Shaddai- My All-Sufficient God; El Sali- God of My Strength; El Elyon- The Most High God; Jehovah Jireh- My Provider; Jehovah Rapha- My Healer; Jehovah Nissi- My Banner; Jehovah Shalom- My Peace; Yahweh Tsuri- My Rock; Jehovah Shammah- The Lord is There for Me; and Abba- My Father. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
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