Lord, I feel so confused anymore that I don't even know what to hope for. I don't feel like I know what direction my life is going in. You know, Lord, I think I have become so afraid and so weighed down by the challenges in life, that I am afraid to hope. What I know is better than the change I don't.
So maybe that's where I need to pray for first. Lord, you did not creat me with a spirit of fear, but of love and self-discipline. Somewhere along the way, I've lost that confidence. You can do the impossible, I know that beyond a shadow of doubt. And maybe, just maybe, you want to do the impossible in me. I may not be able to understand why you would; that may be unbelievable enough in itself. BUT your ways are not my ways and your thoughts are not my thoughts. You know what I can accomplish with you on my side. I can't even imagine anymore. So my hope is that you will,strengthen me and give me courage. Help me to see me the good you can and do and will continue to do in my life.
Second, I pray with a heart full of hope for my wayward child. Oh Abba! My heart hurts when I think about her life. So has so much ability, so much potential, so much love to give. Yet she settles for less than your best in her life and she gives that of herself which is to be sacred. She doesn't see the beauty within, Abba. She doesn't see herself as a masterpiece of your creation. She is lost from the path and I think coming back means facing those missteps so it is easier to make excuses not to. Help her to wake up, Lord. Help her to take responsibility for veering off your path and help her to return to you and the life you have planned for her. Prepare for her the one that will love her, guide her, pray for and with her; one that will grow together with her in you. Bring her someone who helps her to see all that she can do and makes her want to strive to be more today than yesterday; someone to bring out the best in her and complement the talents you have given her. I trust you with her, Lord. That has been the only way I've been able to survive all this over the last several years. You know that plan you have for her and it is a plan to prosper her and to give her hope and a future.
Next, I pray for my determined child. You know my worries here. She has built walls of plans and stayed determinedly within in. She pushes out the world that has hurt her so much in her young life, and plans extensively to conquer it. But Lord, your plans are not our plans and your ways not our ways. I fear that the wall she has placed is also coming between you and that without you, her world will crumble like the ancient cities. Bring her close to you again, Lord. Her belief was so string when she was little, before she faced the demons that exist. I have tried to help her overcome, but she has created her own way to cope and that has been by fortifying her heart. She doesn't even realize how she hurts others, because emotion is not something she sees or understands anymore. I fear that this wall will also keep her from being able to find the love you have placed within a mate for her. I know what a lonely world it is to live with a guarded heart and I don't want that for her. Prepare someone to melt the ice away and warm her heart so it can fully feel again, trust again, and love again. I wish I knew how to help her.
Finally, I pray for my baby boy. Oh Abba, how I love him. I accept that he is different and I treasure that most if the times. I don't worry about those health issues, because you have given him a reason in his heart that let's me know you are with us every step of the way. There are hard days, Lord, and because you have blessed us with such help and growth, I sometimes even forget, which makes the hard days even harder. I worry, Lord, as he grows that he will too, walk from your path and that some how with each if these children, it will be/have been my fault. That my fears and my inability to overcome the obstacle and demons in my life, will push them away from you and your plan and path for them. Help me find a place where he will be surrounded by people that will help him grow in you. Help strengthen his faith. Raise him up to be like David - one who has a heart like yours. Give him strength to face anything that comes his way, courage to stand to the challenges, love beyond measure and obedience. (That's where I have failed them, Lord, in modeling obedience. Please forgive me.) Prepare for him a mate that will walk through life loving and supporting him through the tough times and celebrating with him the blessings. Help him see love. Help us find what causes the headaches and pains and remove it. Clear it from him so he may grow to carry your word and love to so many. As he continues his love if science, may his faith increase as well. Use me, I pray, in whatever way you can.
Provide for us so we may live the life you have for us. I do believe, Abba, so help me in my unbelief. Strengthen me in you, as that is the only way I can do this. I can not do it alone. I need you and my hope is in you that you will return me to that love and strength and courage and that woman of God, you created me to be. The one I was becoming before I fell. Give me the strength to get up and walk straight again. Amen.
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