Reflection and Discussion Ch5 Q4

1.      The angel of the Lord told Gideon, “Go in the strength you have…am I not sending you?...I will be with you”  (Judg. 6:14-16).  With that promise in mind, what doubt are you currently facing that you sense God wants you to conquer with Him and depend on His strength to overcome?

I think that it’s funny that I come to this question today.  I was supposed to do it yesterday, but didn’t not get to the questions yesterday because I was so stressed out about my observation at work.  I haven’t really worried about an observation is many years, but with our new evaluation system it is much harder to know what is expected of us and where we fit into it.  I woke up yesterday feeling weak and could hear the whispers of doubt.  I prayed scriptures from this study and texted my teacher prayer warriors (all but one because she was the administrator observing me) asking them to join me in prayer that God would calm me and use me.  3 of the 4 sent me the same verse – one I frequently tell others – the one our sermon Sunday was focused on – Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”  To me that was such a message from God that He was with me.  What are the chances of all the affirmative verses God has placed in His word that they would pick the same one?  It was exactly what I needed to remember that God placed me here and He will do with my work what He wills and use this path for His purpose as long as I depend on Him for His strength and wisdom.  I wish I could say I’m not at all concerned about the outcome of my post observation conference but I do know that God will be with me there too. 

Today, the doubt I’m facing is my own fear.  I have been asked to fill in for my principal this morning to help with discipline in the office.  I don’t like doing this; in fact I hate it.  It’s one of the reasons I stopped going down that track in life.  I find myself unequipped to deal with angry, irate parents.  I don’t like the confrontation and I HATE being the bearer of bad news that their child is making bad choices.  I want to tell that that everything is okay, but as a mom, I know that’s not always the case.  I don’t like determining what the best consequence is for a poor choice, especially when I don’t know the kids or their history well.  I find that I’m not impartial, which isn’t fair to the kids.  Plus, I’m such a sucker for 2^nd chances and the benefit of the doubt.  And I don’t like being the bad guy.  I like being the teacher on campus that knows the kids names and can chat with them encouraging them and the one they like because of all the goofy things I’ll do for them.  I want them to like me and see me as a positive in their lives (again that temptation of approval).  Plus this has been a special week in my classroom with special activities each day as we celebrate the writings of Dr. Seuss.  Although I plan, I’m much more a teachable moment kind of teacher that I worry I’ll miss a moment or that the fun won’t be as fun if I’m not there.  I am making some progress in that I did tell my boss I didn’t want to do this, but then said I would if she really needed me to.  I don’t want to let her down.

I’ve been feeling rough all week and I feel I need to make it through.  I have so many people that I feel are depending on me.  Tomorrow is Family Fun Night and I’m one of 2 PTA board members that will be there to work.  What started as just a movie night, has blown up into something that I’m not sure is going to work and Kim and I need each other for this night.  Saturday is a friend’s soon to be step-son’s birthday and she’s planning her first party for him.  I know she’s counting on my support and my son is counting on the fact that it’s a party he’ll get to go to (he’s been sick for so many) and my girls are counting on the ride to the beach (where the party is) so they can sun bathe finally after a long winter without.  Next week I have conferences all week.  The week after is Spring Break.  I keep saying if I can only make it Spring Break…however, I can’t just fall apart then because my son deserves to have some fun during his break and not just be trapped in the house because mommy is sick.  So I think that the doubt I constantly face is just being enough for everyone.  I don’t want to let anyone down.  I feel like when I let others down, I let God down because I’m supposed to serve and minister to others.  I need to conquer that fear to live freely in Christ, but I can’t do it without Him.