Reflection and Discussion Ch10 Q7

         Describe an area of your life, or role you have, where you feel like a wimp and you want God to make you a warrior.  Through dependence on Him, what would it look like for you to be “more than a conqueror through Him who loves you” (Rom. 8:37) in that area or role?

One area where I feel like a wimp is with daily life.  I so want to be a blessing in others’ lives.  I don’t ever want to be a burden on anyone.  And I want to serve God.  That being said, I tend to let people walk on me, I take on too much, I’m afraid to stand for what I believe in, I’m never sure what His path is for me.  I even crumble at having to call to rectify financial situations because I’m afraid of rejection; that my reason for failing won’t be good enough, that they won’t care, that I know I’m wrong.  I reach a point where I physically get overwhelmed and sick from it all, I keep myself up too late/get up too early trying to fit it all in/make it all work, which in turn takes an additional toll on my body, my pulse races and I just don’t even know what to do.  I want to be a warrior in life instead of such a wimp.

If I could become (or when I become because I have faith in my God who is with me) more than a conqueror, I would hear God’s voice when I try to make the decision what to do and what not to.  I wouldn’t feel like I have to make a split second decision, but rather would be able to take a step back and give it to God and wait on an answer.  I would not be as impulsive, but be more reflective.  I would not be so hurt because I’m too meek to speak up, but I’d be bold.  I would be able to admit that I’m human and can’t do it all.  I would pick up that phone and get the forgiveness and the help I need to provide for my family.  I would not pack my days so full and I would procrastinate less.  I would learn to say no…to someone other than just myself and God.  I would know the difference from the path God wants me to take and going down a path just because it will help someone.  I would be bold and courageous.

Reflection and Discussion Ch10 Q6

        What names and characteristics of God do you need to live “in dependence” on in your life right now?  Ask God to help you, and love for promises that assure you of His faithfulness.  Journal how your confidence grows as you depend on Him more each day this week.

I totally live in dependence of the following names:

Abba – My Father…Daddy

Emmanuel – My God with me

Right now I am also living in dependence of:

Jehovah Rapha – The God who heals me

Jehovah Jireh – The God who will provide for me

El Roi – The God who sees me

Jehovah Shammah – The Lord is there for me

Jehovah Shalom – The Lord is my peace

El Sali – God of my strength

Abba, I begin with thank you.  Thank you for being so much a part of my life and thank you for all the aspects you have to your character truly making You all I need.  I thank you for being Emmanuel, with me always so I am never truly alone.  Thank you, Abba, for being my Father who holds me close and comforts me.  There is so much going on in life at all times, yet each moment I need you in a different way.  I feel so weak and distracted lately.  El Sali, you are my strength when I am weak.  I often feel invisible.  El Roi,  you see me and know my needs.  You are Jehovah Jireh, providing for each of those needs.  With all the stress I’ve been under, my health has struggled.  Although the enemy is testing me through my health, you are Jehovah Rapha.  You are healing me – mentally, physically, spiritually – you are with me.  And in these tests and trials of life, I praise you for being Jehovah Shalom.  You are my peace; the peace that passes ALL understanding and helps me get through each day.  Thank you for these promises.  Thank you for being there when I call out.  Thank you for being real and for loving me so intimately.  Thank you for always being with me.  I lean on You, Abba, now and always.  Amen.

Reflection and Discussion Ch10 Q5

        What did you learn about the importance of knowing God intimately and experiencing aspects of His character to build your trust in Him?

I learned that without knowing God intimately, I can’t really benefit fully from the relationship, nor do I really know Him.  By knowing God by all His names and characteristics, I can better call out to Him.  Plus, I can see what He has done which helps build my trust in Him.  Unfortunately, I feel I am too often like Thomas.  “Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”  (John  20:29)  Once I have learned or experienced an aspect of His character, my trust is greater there.  However, I am in awe of some aspects of His character, but until I experience them, they don’t become real to me.  I wish I was less like Thomas so I didn’t have to experience so much, but I do love knowing God intimately!

Reflection and Discussion Ch10 Q4

         Have you ever prayed for God to change your circumstances and instead He changed you through your circumstances?  If so, describe what happened and how it helped you grow closer to Him.

     

      I think the biggest case of this would be my singleness.  I prayed for years for God to change my circumstances and send me the perfect man for me – a strong believer, with confidence in Whose he was, with financial security, etc.  Instead, God has changed me to show me the benefits of being single and to show me that through my singleness, my dependence on Him is greater.  He showed me that I have a hard time sharing my attention and my focus especially because I lack such self-confidence.  I constantly am trying to make the others in my life happy, and although I don’t want to risk my relationship with God at all, it tends to happen because I don’t know how to be all things to all people.  I spread myself too thin for those I care about and put Him last.  I still have moments of weakness where I long for a spouse – someone to hold me and tell me it will be okay; someone to be intimate with; someone other than me to help with decisions; someone to take us some of the slack.  I still would like to find someone “to do life with” someday, but for now, I am okay with how things are.  I see God working in my life to provide for my every need, I see the blessings in my singleness and most of all I know His unconditional, all encompassing love is just what I need.  I trust His plan for me.

Reflection and Discussion Ch10 Q3

         Sometimes life’s hardships make it hard to follow God consistently.  Do you ever ask God why life has to be so hard?  What did you learn from Gideon’s story?  How can his experiences about asking why and trusting God’s promises help you as you take the next step He may have for you?

I ask God often why life has to be so hard, but I’ve also learned that sometimes it’s my fault that it is so hard because I take so long to find the confidence to do what He wants me to do! 

I’ve loved the story of Gideon every since my daughter did a musical at our old church based on it when they were little. (Giddy Up Gideon)  I’ve always related to Gideon, because I’m a needs a sign person.  I want so much to just believe it’s God talking to me, but I just haven’t seem to have gotten to that point of confidence yet.  My head is so filled with voices and ideas and criticisms that my heart knows are not of God; that makes it difficult when I do feel like it’s His voice and plan to be sure I’m not just goofing it up…again.  But one thing I’ve learned from Gideon is that regardless of how useless we feel, God can and will use us.  He knows that in Him our power is perfect because it’s His power flowing through us.  I’ve learned that God may get frustrated, but He never gives up.  I’ve learned that He understands our unbelief and is willing to help us see what His will is.  I’ve learned that even when it’s my fault that I’m inconsistent, God will consistently be there when I get to the point He wants me. 

As for how can Gideon’s experiences help me – they give me confidence that God wants my why so He can empower me.  He may never answer my why, but He will show me the next step.  I don’t need to know why now because I, with my current eyes, can only see in part.  One day, when I am standing with Him, or before if it’s his will to reveal it, I will see in full.  By continuously remembering what God did for Gideon and has and will continue to do for me, I become ready for the next step as my confidence builds in who He is and what He can do through me!

Reflection and Discussion Ch10 Q2

        What mistakes or struggles make you feel like you can’t follow God consistently?  With each one, picture yourself walking to the cross and asking Jesus to speak words of grace over your guilt.  He invited you to “approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that [you] may receive mercy and find grace to help [you] in [your] time of need” (Heb. 4:16).

Every mistake makes me feel like I’ve veered from His path and every struggle leads to mistakes because I so often act before I ask what He’d like me to do.

Reflection and Discussion Ch10 Q1

         Have you ever blown it and felt like God was ready to give up on you?  Do you sometimes doubt God’s grace and patience with you?  If so, describe what happens and how doubt perpetuates more doubt and distance from God.

Daily I’ve blown it, but I’ve never felt like God was ready to give up on me.  I’ve wonder why He hasn’t, but I’ve never felt like He did.  As for doubting God’s grace and patience, I think more often my doubt is based on why God and I can’t want the same things.  I know that God has a plan for me and that I don’t always walk in the path that leads to that plan.  When I ask why, I never doubt that God is there, but why does the path have to be so hard?  Why can’t I get my will aligned with His?  Why can’t He just give me what I want, “just this once”?  It still perpetuates doubt and distance because the enemy whispers that I’ll never be who God wants me to be, but I know in my heart that God is waiting on me.  That of course, then creates more feelings that I’ve blown it.  I just get so angry with myself that God has to be so patient.  I’m supposed to be submissive to Him.  I’m supposed to always live my life for His will, yet I fall so often!  I don’t know how He can be so patient, because it’s so not in my human nature.  But His ways are not my ways, thank goodness, and He is stronger than me.  J  His grace is enough!  J

Names for God

Emmanuel: My God with Me (Matthew 1:22-23)
El-Channun: The Gracious God (Jonah 4:2)
El Hanne'eman:  The Faithful God (Deuteronomy 7:9)
El Roi:  The God Who Sees Me (Genesis 16:13-14)
El ha-Gibbor:  The Mighty God, God the Hero (Isaiah 9:6)
El Shaddai:  The All-Sufficient God (Genesis 17:1-2)
El Sali: God of My Strength (Psalm 42:9)
El Olam: The Everlasting God (Genesis 21:32-33)
El Elyon:  The Most High God (Daniel 4:34)
Elohim:  God, My Mighty Creator (Genesis 1:1)
Jehovah Jireh:  The Lord Who Will Provide for Me (Genesis 22:13-14)
Jehovah Rapha:  The Lord Who Heals Me  (Exodus 15:26)
Jehovah Nissi:  The Lord My Banner (Exodus 17:15-16)
Jehovah Shalom:  The Lord My Peace (Judges 6:24)
Yahweh Tsuri: The Lord My Rock (Psalm 144:1)
Jehovah Rohi: The Lord My Shepherd (Psalm 23:1)
Jehovah Shammah:  The Lord is There for Me (Ezekiel 48:35)
Abba: My Father (Psalm 68:5-6)

God's names are a promise of who He is. (pp. 194)

Chapter 10 Overview

When Doubt Whispers "I Can't Follow God Consistently"

"When I come to the Lord after I've blown it, I come with only one appeal:  His mercy.  I've no other defense.  I can't escape my biggest problem:  me!  So I leave the courtroom of my own defense.  Because of what Jesus has done, God looks on me with mercy.  It's my only appeal, it's the source of my hope, it's my life."   ~Paul David Tripp

She begins this chapter with a scenario we've all been through.  One where we totally lose it and become the absolute worst example of ourselves.  One where we've let the little things get to us and we just explode.  One of those times when absolutely nothing goes right, but rather every step is like a minefield in which not only is there tension to step, but with every step we're setting off a bomb and each progressively getting stronger.  Finally, we are the final bomb blowing up at the ones we love.  She talks about the next day, when she awakens overwhelmed with shame and guilt.  She then reveals the truth she learned:  she needed His peace in the midst of her storm, but she didn't even think to ask Him in the heat of the moment.  Instead she had allowed her emotions to run wild within her.  Oh, how I could relate to the story.

She talks about how, when she finally did approach God with the situation and was blessed by His grace, He reminded her of men and women in Scripture whom He used greatly - despite their downfalls. I too was blessed by God, in that He began to call to my mind how many of the recollections in the Bible are stories of triumph coming from tragedy or failure: David, Abraham, Paul/Saul, Peter, Martha, Gideon, the centurion, Noah, Jonah - the list goes on and on.  She learned that our hearts can be set free from guilt-induced doubt and we can find grace-induced confidence.  There are still consequences and it may take a lot of time to restore relationships, but God's forgiveness sets us free.

"I want you to know we all blow it, but God offers grace (unmerited favor) to cover our guilt.  Satan wants us to think we're the only ones who mess up, but it happens to all of us, every day."  (p. 186)

Grace could stand for God's Riches At Christ's Expense.  She used to feel far from God, having to work through periods of inconsistency with God.  She's been through seasons of self-sufficiency or unbelief or other sins.  Finally she'd get defeated and wonder what's the use in trying if she was only going to fail again.  But she has learned it's not about trying harder.  It's about turning sooner to God's gift of grace.  Grace is undeserved favor.  We don't have to earn it and we can't lose it when we act undeserving.  It is expensive, but it has already been paid for.  It's not a license to sin, but rather when you've truly received it you want to return the gift by offering up your life to Him.

She tells the story of Gideon who was the least likely leader to guide the Israelites to victory, yet he did.  In this story, God is very patient with Gideon in the time it took him to trust God completely.  Although Gideon's faith was inconsistent, God's love and patience were absolutely constant.  We, like Gideon, often wonder why life has to be so hard; why certain things must happen; and may even feel abandoned by God in the midst of troubled times and disappointments.  However, our feelings don't change the fact that God keeps His promises - He will never leave us nor forsake us.  Asking why isn't unspiritual.  However, if asking why pushes us farther from God rather than drawing us closer to Him, then it is the wrong question.  Gideon's why drew him closer to God because God's answer helped him to focus from hard things that happened in his past to what God was about to do: be part of the solution.

In the story, Gideon knew about God, but he didn't know God personally.  He knew what others had said about God and about what He had done in the past.  Gideon's perception of God included feelings of reverence but also feelings of abandonment.  Gideon must have been seeking God and desiring to follow Him, because God chose to come to him and to use him.  We may have that same problem; we may know about God, but we may not know God personally.  Close relationships are built over time when we share life together.  To build a relationsip with God and get to know Him personally, we need to spend time with Him, talking, listening, and observing who He is.  Our depth of knowing God comes when we depend on Him and discover that He is dependable.  We learn to trust His heart by interacting with Him and experiencing His character in personal ways.  God has several names that show who He is and what He does for us.  By learning to look into our lives and see Him in these ways and by calling Him by these names while we pray, we are getting to know Him in His nature. 

Returning to Gideon, she emphasizes how God uses this story to show His patience with us.  Every time Gideon takes two steps forward into confidence in God, he takes a step back.  Yet God never gives up.  When Gideon asks for signs of confirmation, God knows His need and loves His heart for seeking Him whom the path of life and strength comes from and gives those signs.  God is asking Gideon to face an army of 153,000 with followers of a few hundred.  He wants Israel to see that in Him all things are possible.  Even in the final moments before battle, God knows Gideon's need.  When He tells Gideon that this is the time, He tells him, "If you are afraid to attack, go down to the camp with your servant Purah and listen to what they are saying.  Afterward, you will be encouraged to attack the camp."  (vv. 10-11)  God knows Gideon personally.  He knows and loves him for wanting to do God's will, but also that he is trying to conquer his fears.  God gives Gideon everything he needs to be strong; to find confidence in God's plan.  When Gideon walks in confidence, his followers walk in confidence.  "Gideon learned to follow God more consistently by depending on God's strength instead of his own.  He shifted his focus from doubting himself to believing his God."

God wants us to live dependent on Him not independently.  However, the enemy is ready and waiting to whisper doubts.  We need to be ready to fight those doubts with God's promises.  When you feel weak; like you can't do it...remember Gideon's story and know that God is patiently waiting for you.

Praying God's Promises:
     Lord, than You that I can approach Your throne of grace with confidence and receive mercy and find grace to help me in my time of need.  Because of Your mercy and forgiveness, my guilt-induced doubt is replaced by grace induced confidence.  Help me trust You with all my heart and not lean on my own understanding, acknowledging  You in all my ways so You can make my path straight.  Those who know Your name trust You, Lord, because You have never deserted those who seek Your help.
     I want to know You as Emmanuel - My God with Me; El Hanne'eman- My Faithful God; El Roi- The God Who Sees Me; El ha-Gibbor- God My Hero; El Shaddai- My All-Sufficient God; El Sali- God of My Strength; El Elyon- The Most High God; Jehovah Jireh- My Provider; Jehovah Rapha- My Healer; Jehovah Nissi- My Banner; Jehovah Shalom- My Peace; Yahweh Tsuri- My Rock; Jehovah Shammah- The Lord is There for Me; and Abba- My Father.  In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Reflection and Discussion Ch9 Q7

         How can you transition from going to God with a list to going to Him with a listening heart?  What are some practical things that can help you relax and listen to God in the midst of your busy life (walking, journaling, listening to music, taking a bubble bath, etc.)?

This is one that’s going to take me some testing and trying to find what will work.  I am learning not to be afraid of the silence so much and new scriptures (or maybe rediscovered ones would be a better way to put it) are definitely helping me relax in the midst of life.  I already walk, but my son talks the whole way; I want to journal more; I definitely find Him in the music; bubble baths used to be a favorite until the only bath tub was in their disgusting “they won’t clean it” bathroom- now going in there brings stress not peace; so like I said, we’ll have to do some trial and error to find what will work for me.

Reflection and Discussion Ch9 Q6

         Which of God’s promises in this chapter will you cling to so that you don’t lose your footing and slip into a pit of discouragement?

“The Lord will work out his plans for my life- for your faithful love, Lord, endures forever.  Don’t abandon me, for you made me.”  Psalm 138:8 NLT  (LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this one! J)

Reflection and Discussion Ch9 Q5

         What will you do for the next thirty days to make sure you have a date (Determine A Time Everyday) to be with Jesus?  Is there someone you can ask to help or to hold you accountable to spending time with God, so you can listen more closely for His plans, rest in His promises, and experience His peace?

       I already have a DATE with Jesus every day, but I would like to find a time to spend more time with him.  I think I need to start journaling again so that I can look back and see what He’s done in my life more.

Reflection and Discussion Ch9 Q4

      If Jesus came to your house this past week to spend time with you, would you have been able to walk away from unfinished laundry, dishes, or emails if He wanted to talk with you?  Imagine hearing Him say, “You are worried and upset about many things.”  What were some of your many things?

I absolutely would be able to walk away from all those things, because I’ve been walking away from them for months!  My problem would be that I couldn’t allow Him to come in.  We’d stand at the front door, with it closed behind so He couldn’t see in and talk while I obsessed and hoped He didn’t notice how bad the grass needs to be cut, how high the weeds are, and everything behind the door, etc.

I am worried and upset about many things: the house is a disaster; there are high cost things that need to be fixed; the house is probably going to be taken from me, then what do I do – go to Mom’s where stress will be high but cost will be low or look for something else when I really can’t afford it; I can’t afford my son’s meds and the mortgage/rent; the med themselves – how long do we stay on them, do we try the behavioral one, drug interaction, will he ever be able to live without them; I keep leaving things undone to do other things; my daughter’s coming home from college and I don’t know how I feel because she doesn’t respect me or my rules and she is teaching my son things I don’t want him to know; my other daughter is seldom home and I’m angry because I feel like she’s chosen her friends over me and I know this is her senior year and she won’t get these chances back, but I won’t get this time with her back either and I feel left out; I can’t get the school and the doctors to agree with what my son needs to be successful and aren’t I suppose to know what that is, but I’m so confused by the differing points of view; I don’t like all the changes in education and they’re making me lose my desire to do my job; I can’t decide if I like teaching kindergarten again since being told I’d be better in a more academic grade; I don’t know what I’m going to do tomorrow much less next year; should I get a second job (need more money vs. what it will take of me from my son); I could go on all day…

Reflection and Discussion Ch9 Q3

           Do you ever catch yourself wondering if God notices everything you are doing?  Do you ever doubt you can do all He has called you to do?  Are there some things in your life He many not expect or want you to be doing?

Absolutely!  And sometimes He puts me in my place by showing me that I either am not doing as much as I think I am, or that I’m doing tons…that He didn’t ask me to do and have neglected what He did.  I need to pray more about what He wants me to do as opposed to what I think I should do.

Reflection and Discussion Ch9 Q2

     When you get overwhelmed, do concerns ever consume you?  If so, what does that look like in your head and heart?

       I wish I could say no, but I can’t.  It looks obsessive.  Once I become overwhelmed I tend to not be able to turn back the thoughts.  I cry – A LOT.  I can’t let go.  I become physically sick and I vacillate from not being able to get out of bed (or having to force myself out) and not being able to sit still because at least if I’m moving something might change.  My heart feels lonely and broken and hurt and sad.  My head is angry and wants to take it out on everything that comes in my path.  Yet, most tragically, that is only while I’m in my home.  Once I walk out the door, I put that cracked mask on hoping it holds together so people won’t know how truly overwhelmed I am.

Reflection and Discussion Ch9 Q1

          How often do you feel exhausted, anxious, scattered, or depleted?

All the time.  After reading this chapter I understand a little more why my doctor has made some of the decisions that he has made.  I pray that God will continue to help open my eyes as I learn to trust more in Him. 

Chapter 9 Overview

When Doubt Whispers "I Can't Stop Worrying"

"Rehearsing your troubles results in experiencing them many times, whereas you are meant to go through them only when they actually occur."  ~Sarah Young, Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence

This chapter...WOW!  My poor friends and family (really my blessed friends and family) have had to listen to quotes from this chapter all week long!  So much in here.  And so much that God showed me about me.  For the first time in over a year, I've stopped arguing with my doctor about why I'm sick and started accepting he could see something I couldn't.

She begins by talking about a time in her life a few years ago when she was just so exhausted.  Her husband suggests her taking some time away to just spend some time with God, but she just can't concentrate.  Her mind is so distracted that she takes her dog's seizure medicine instead of her allergy medicine.

We become so overwhelmed today with all the things we have to do.  And even if we can live in the today, we're already worrying about tomorrow.  She illustrates through the story of Mary and Martha to show us truths.  First, Mary was very pushy, listing all the the things she wants Jesus to do.  We tend to do the same when we pray.  We live with a list of all we need to do and problems we need God to solve.  Second, she pointed out that when circumstances in life feel out of control, we start trying extra hard to control things in our life: our family members, clutter, etc.  Mary tried not only to control her surroundings, but even Jesus when she told him what to he needed to do.  Jesus told Mary that she was "worried and upset about many things."  We often don't realize it.  Our minds our constantly moving and we don't always notice the worry creeping in.  Worry changes nothing about that which we worry about.  In fact she uses the acronym Worry Only Robs Rest from You.  It robs us physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually leaving us exhausted, anxious, scattered and depleted.  Most of all it pulls down our guard and lets doubt creep in.  She quotes statistics from Max Lucado's book Come Thirsty and the end result is that only 8% of our concerns are real problems that we can influence.  8%.  I found it amazing that 92% of what I worry about is just useless worry.  We need to discern which of our "many things" are good things and which are God things.  We can fill our lives with many good things, but they may not be the things God has intended for us.  Instead, like Martha, we overextend ourselves, become consumed with "many things" and sacrifice the Real Thing - our relationship with Jesus.  Spending time with God should be a high priority and she gives many suggestions as to how:

Plan a D.A.T.E. - Determine A Time Every day to spend time with Jesus.  A time that fits into your life (not waking up early if it takes you 20 minutes to clear the groggy-ness or at night if you can't hold your eyes open), and remember that it doesn't have to be the same time everyday.  Maybe M-W-F you walk with Him or listen to an audio bible and then come home to journal what He's telling you.  Then T-Th you have lunch with Him.  The point is to be intentional about it.

Set Realistic Expectations - If you are just starting out, make it 10 minutes and build from there.  The more time you spend with God, the more time you'll want to spend with Him.

Create a Setting for Two - Make a prayer area where you can get away from distractions to meet with Jesus.  It could be as simple as a chair set aside in your bedroom where you keep your Bible, journal, and pen. 

Read God's Word - Everything you need to know about God is in His Word. 

Journal What God Shows You - Take time to write down what He's showing you, or scriptures, so that you can remember them later.  It's the best way to take captive your thoughts and listen to God's truth over Satan's lies.

Use Scripture for Conversation Starters - Insert your name or others' names into scripture to be sure that you are praying God's will

Reflect on God's Faithfulness - also write down thoughts and prayers so you can go back and reflect on what God has done.  Then when you find yourself struggling, you can cling to God's faithfulness by reading your journal and reflecting back on how He's come through for you again and again.

Renee also talks about how quickly things become overwhelming and how we don't always see the damage as it's occurring.  She talks about a year that was especially difficult with challenge after challenge; some good challenges, but challenges just the same.  She felt initially like she was handling it all so well until one day she realized how scattered and forgetful she was becoming.  After a little investigation, she determined she had gotten ADD.  Her doctor, asked her a few questions, then reminding her that people do not just get ADD in their forties.  She informed her that she had developed stress induced anxiety, which left undetected then became anxiety induced depression.  She argued that this wasn't depression because she had experienced that years ago.  "I went through depression twenty years ago.  I know what it felt like.  This is not the same.  I don't want to commit suicide, although I would be really happy if Jesus came back soon.  I don't stay in bed all day, although I am exhausted all the time."  Her doctor kindly told her (as mine has been trying to tell me), that this is different.  Renee discussed feeling like the writer of Psalm 73, "But as for me, my feet had almost slipped; I had nearly lost my foothold." (v.2)  Then she realized she had lost perspective by looking at how well others were doing despite their lives. 

She realized, as did the writer of the psalm, that the only way to restore her footing and find the strength she needed was in her relationship with God:

"Yet I am always with you;
     you hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
     and afterward you will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
     And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
     but God is the strength of my heart
     and my portion forever."  (vv.23-26)

Paul gives us a prescription for God's peace.  In Philippians 4:6-7NLT, he tell us, "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done.  Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.  His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."

Stop worrying- press the pause button on my consuming concerns
Start praying- open my mouth and tell God what I need
Keep thanking God- remind my heart of God's goodness by thanking Him for what He's done.

It sounds so doable, yet is so hard because Satan is whispering doubt into our hearts.  We need to boss our hearts around and fill them with God's word so that He can guard our hearts.  The pit of discouragement is NOT part of His plan for us.  "When things you want to control start controlling you, ask God to help you let go and trust that He is in control."  Talk to Him instead of talking to yourself and remember to seek Him, not just serve Him. 
    

Praying God's Promises
     Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way.  When concerns consume me, remind me that You are with me, holding me by my right hand and guiding me with Your counsel.  Though my flesh and my heart may fail, You are the strength of my heart and my portion forever.  Help me turn my burdens over to You, knowing that You will take care of me. 

     Because You are my shepherd, I shall not be in want.  You promise that when I dwell in the shelter of the Most High, I can rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  You are my refuge and fortress, my God in whom I trust.  Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You preserve my life; You stretch out Your hand against the anger of my foes, and with Your right hand You save me.  Thank You for making known to me the path of life and filling me with joy and peace in Your presence.  In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Scriptures to Lean On

Psalm 16:11 "You make known to me the path of live; you will fill me with joy in your presence."

Psalm 23:1 NASB  "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want."

Psalm 25:4-5 "Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths.  Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my savior, and my hope is in you all day long"

Psalm 91:1-2 "Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust'"

Psalm 138:7 "Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life.  You stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes; with your right hand you save me."

Psalm 138:8 NLT  "The Lord will work out his plans for my life - for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever.  Don't abandon me, for you made me."

Reflection and Discussion Ch4 Q4

         How have past hurts robbed you of hope and affected your relationships today?

I think first and foremost they have made me question everything I do.  I even question why I question things.  I don’t trust myself, I don’t trust others, and often I find myself lacking trust even in God.  I trust God, but I find it hard to daily live that by putting my trust in Him for everything.  The final part creates an anger within me at myself; a disappointment that I can’t let go and let God be in control.  I’ve seen in the past 2 years that I have become very controlling about many things that I’d never noticed before.  I also have become afraid of allowing others in or near my life.  There’s an analogy in the movie “One Fine Day” that I’ve always really identified with.  Michelle Pfieffer is explaining why she can’t let George Clooney help her and says, “I’ve got all of these little balls up in the air (mimes juggling).  And if somebody else caught one for me, I’d drop them all.”  So it definitely has affected my relationships…I don’t have many.  I’m watching my kids, who I’ve been closest to, slowly edge me out of their lives as they grow up – which is as it should be in the sense that they’re growing up and becoming more independent and wanting to experience and build a life outside of our family.  I have very few friends that I can count on daily, much less when I really need something, and even less that I have reciprocal friendships with in; meaning friendships where there is give and take and sharing and walking together through life.  Most of my “friendships” are people that lean on me but don’t call or check in or anything until they need something, even just prayer.  My January, for example, was so tumultuous and people knew, yet no one called to encourage or support me, nor help me.  BUT, I feel that I’ve somewhat created that by trying to do it all on my own for so long.  And I have no other types of relationships because I’m too afraid to make that jump again.  My girls were very hurt in my efforts to have a “relationship-relationship” when they were young and that broke my heart worse than his leaving.  I don’t feel strong enough to go through that again.  So I made friends, but then that crossed a line and now I have a son who is hurting from being fatherless.  So, again, I isolate for fear of the pain.   And the longer life goes on this way, the less hope I have that it will change.  It’s not that I don’t believe it can, because God works miracles every day.  However, I choose to believe that maybe God’s plan doesn’t include those things for me because it hurts to hope.  Deep down?  imhopeful4ever.  On the surface, daily living?  My wall is tall and thick.

Reflection and Discussion Ch8 Q7

         Has God allowed you to walk through experiences through which you can see Him working for good in your life or in the lives of others?  Do you, or will you, use these experiences to minister to others you meet along the way?

I don’t tend to see them working for good at the time, but I often can when I look back or come into a new situation.  For example, when my daughter was little she caught a very rare illness.  At the time it was scary because so little was known about it and the internet wasn’t as viral yet so finding information was still something new for me.  It was very uncommon in the US and the only reason her doctor knew about it was because she had just come back from a Doctors Without Borders trip in Africa.  As a single mom, it was scary to listen to them talk and not know what might happen next.  It was an experience in faith at the time.  Several years later, I had a friend who’s daughter was sick and they couldn’t figure out why.  She happened to mention her symptoms in a conversation with me the day they finally went to the hospital and I mentioned that it sounded similar to what my daughter had.  By giving the doctor my child’s diagnosis, they had a new place to start from and although this child’s case was much worse (maybe because they had to wait longer to identify), they were able to treat her and she made a full recovery.  I didn’t see at the time why I had to go through what I did, but when I talked to my friend, I immediately knew that I went through my experience to help her through hers; not just medically, but emotionally.  It’s happened more times that I can count.  As a mom, I have moments when I just want to fall apart from all my kids have had to go through, but as a teacher and woman; God has used my experiences to help others going through similar things. 

As for working for good in my life, I’ve noticed that God often makes me walk in the paths of people I judge – even if I judge unknowingly.  I used to turn my nose up at women who had kids from different fathers and weren’t with any of the dads.  I have 3 children, but 2 different fathers, neither of which are/were mainstream parts of their lives while they are/were growing up.  I used to get frustrated watching this mom at work whose son used to hit her and scream at her on campus.  I’d think, “She needs to take the reins back and remind him who the parent it.”  Then my son was diagnosed on the autism spectrum and as his issues rose, I was that parent.  I’ve since met that mom again.  Her son is now in therapy and making progress- those episodes are few and far between.  In fact, she was the reason and recommendation that my son saw the therapist that got him started on the right path to learning to deal with his disorder and challenges.  Not only has God used many experiences to shape me, but He’s also taught me a lot about not judging people.  J

As for; will I use my life to minister to others?  As long as God needs me to, I’ll do the best I can.  Will it make a difference?  That’s not up to me.  I’m just to be available for He is able to do all things.

Reflection and Discussion Ch8 Q6

          Read the following verses and summarize what each has to say about the importance of our spiritual gifts: 1 Corinthians 12:1, 4-7, 11-12, 17-20.  These verses describe the importance of understanding and using our spiritual gifts. 

       “Now about the gifts of the Spirit, brothers and sisters, I do not want you to be uninformed.”  1 Corinthians 1 

       I want you to know about the gifts of the Spirit that come from me.  Learn about them.

   

    “There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord.  There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.  Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good.”  1 Corinthians 12:4-7

     God gives all of the gifts out – they all come from Him, but they are different.  God doesn’t give the same gifts to everyone because He has a different plan for everyone and the gifts God gives you are specific to the work and the service God has intended you to do, however, the use of them of them is for everyone one; they all work together to benefit the common good – His plan, just like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.

       “All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines.  Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ.”  1 Corinthians 12: 11-12

     All of these gifts are the work of the One True God and He gives them out as He has planned in accordance with His will.  We are all part of His plan, just like all the parts or our body are part of our one same body.

      “If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be?  But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.  If they were all one part, where would the body be?  As it is, there are many parts, but one body.”  1 Corinthians 12: 17-20

      If all the gifts were the same we would be missing out.  Like the parts of the body, you need all of them to do their separate, individual, specific job so that when they work together you have the whole body.  It is the same with us.  We each have our own separate, individual, specific job, but when we do it and it comes together with the others doing theirs, we can accomplish the plan God has for us.

Reflection and Discussion Ch8 Q5

         How did the servant with the least amount of talents perceive His master?  Have you ever felt like God didn’t give you as much talent or ability as He’s given to others?  Have you ever buried your abilities because you didn’t think they mattered?  Has not using your God-given abilities impact your sense of purpose or your relationship with God?  If so, how?

The bible says he was afraid of him.  He knew he was a hard man, unfair and sowing and

gathering that which wasn’t his.

I definitely think I’ve felt like God didn’t give me as much talent or ability as He’s given to others.  But in that same sense, I feel that the talents He has given me are less subtle and more internal: empathy, encouragement, a praying heart.  The ways people state I’ve been used I don’t see because I didn’t really do anything.  That doesn’t mean I haven’t been insanely jealous over the talents or abilities He’s given others.  I still struggle with it.  And I’ve definitely probably buried abilities because I didn’t think they mattered.  I’ve spent so much time over the past 40 years trying to do things that don’t come naturally to me and be someone that doesn’t come naturally to me, but rather trying to be what I think everyone wants from me that I can’t possibly have used my abilities.  It has a definite effect on my relationship with God as well.  I feel dissatisfied, discontent and like a failure because I haven’t been who He has created me to be.  Each time that I try to be someone else, I feel horrible after because the things I do aren’t the real me.  And then I feel like a failure for not just being who God created me to be, which makes my confidence drop and….it’s a vicious cycle!  I wish I were strong enough to stand.

Reflection and Discussion Ch8 Q4

        What are some of your abilities?  If that is hard to answer, list things others have commented that you do well.

I see:                                                   Others commented:  (I don’t see most of these)

Praying                                                Planning

Caring for others                                  Organized

Giving                                                 Positive

Encouraging                                         Leader

Available                                              Thoughtful

Storytelling                                           Energetic

Filling in                                               Expressing myself (I find this a joke)

Technology                                          Creativity

Ability to adapt to change                       Good with people

Good with medical stuff                        Strength

Good with kids                                     Knowing what others need

Innocence                                            Knowing where to go

Perseverance   

Cook/Bake

Directions                    

Reflection and Discussion Ch8 Q3

        “Just as a target is designed to narrow the aim of an arrow, God uses the desires of our hearts to narrow the focus of where He wants our lives to make a mark for eternity” (p. 144).  Do you believe God created you with unique desires and dreams?  If you know what they are, list them.

I absolutely believe that God creates us with unique desires and dreams, but I’m not sure I know what all of mine are anymore because I spend so much time push them back. 

Some of my greatest desires are:

Being loved/cherished/wanted

Raising children that love others and love God

Encourage those around me

Helping others

Making the unloved feel loved (especially children)

Showing others the good they overlook

To have my family feel whole

To not be embarrassed (or have my children be embarrassed) about my life

To not have to daily worry about how to make ends meet (or almost meet)

Some of my greatest dreams are:

To travel

To learn to be content

For my children to grow up healthy and be happy doing something that makes them feel alive; to marry good people that treat them with love, respect, adoration and honor; to raise families with solid Christian ideals

To be seen as having my father’s and my Father’s eyes and to make a difference like they did

To live my life fully for and in God

Reflection and Discussion Ch8 Q2

         What personality type describes you best?  Is there a second personality type that is also strong?  Are you content with the personality God gave you?  If not, what do you wish was different about yourself?

I made this a little experiment with a 2-fold identification for myself.  First when I looked at the lists, I indicated which things I see in myself now and which I saw in myself as a teen.  Then I sent the lists to my immediate family and 2 closest friends to see what they would put.  I then compared the lists that were returned to me (shockingly, my daughters didn’t do it).

As for myself, I used to be sanguine and now fall into melancholy.  I saw very few strengths in myself now, but had most of the relational challenges in every category.  When I look only at the needs I would have said that I was a dead ringer for sanguine.  I do need affection, approval, and would like some attention and interaction, but I’ve learned how to live without those, so most of the time I’m content when I don’t get them.  Affection and approval I actually long for and spend many nights crying about.  On the other hand, I also wish for understanding, stability, and support, but my life doesn’t lend itself to those things and I’m content with the stress because it’s all I know.  As for space and silence?  I HATE them both because they allow my brain to think too much and that hurts my heart creating more melancholy.  It’s a vicious cycle!  J

As for the people who looked at it regarding me, that was interesting.  My brother hated the thing because he feels that many of the relational challenges are good things not bad.  They are driving forces so he marked very few.  He views me as choleric (and ironically the only person who indicated I’m opinionated).  One friend found me under melancholy with sanguine a high second.  The other found me under sanguine with choleric very close behind.  

I think the best part of this was seeing the qualities that they all (or most) agreed I show.  I was surprised, but it was also empowering and encouraging to know that I am seen that way even if I don’t feel it or see it in myself – especially by those who know me best:

Considerate, reliable, good organizer, task oriented, excels in crisis, humorous, creative, planner, organized, fair, empathetic

And those we all agree I need to work on:

Perfectionist, discontent, denial, workaholic tendency, takes on too much