This week has been a big one for me. My peers voted me our school's Teacher of the Year earlier this year and each day this week, each grade level has been surprising me with treats from gift cards, to delicious snacks, to posters made by students, to stealth invasions of decorating my classroom. I am so honored to represent my school, not because I think I am all that wonderful. In fact ever since I was nominated I have been thinking about how many of my coworkers deserved this nomination instead. But I am honored because I work with a tremendous group of people who serve our students with love and sacrifice. I am honored because I love our students. I am honored because I appreciate the admiration and trust of our parents.
Tonight my week will hit its culmination with our district banquet. It seems fitting that it is in the same place as my senior prom since that was one of the last times I was at something like this. A night of elegance and honor, flowers and food, and celebratory comments. My whole family wanted to be there. My oldest has taken off work, my middle one is flying in from school (her Christmas present from her uncle), my youngest has requested a new tie and to be my escort. My mother has been thinking about what to wear for weeks, and in true mama fashion worrying about what I will wear for months. My principal and assistant principal will be there. Several of my teammates will join us and of course my dear friend who also teaches with me. We not only sold out our table, but had more people that wanted to come. This is not a cheap evening, so it made my heart swell to know so many people wanted to come and celebrate with me. And this week has been full of talk of what to wear, times, and just exciting banter about the evening. For a girl who usually is in jammies by 8 at the latest, I am VERY anxious and thus very tired!
As I lay awake, I spend a lot of time thinking and just talking to God. I find that amidst all this I face an internal struggle. My struggle has been if it's okay to feel this way, to be this excited over something so worldly. I have to confess, this honor was on my bucket list of dreams, right beside walk the Via Dolorosa and a tour of the Holy Land. That's part of my struggle. Is it okay to have such a worldly desire?? The things, the accolades, the honors of this world are not supposed to matter so much. Pride is viewed as a sin. In fact is is renowned as one of the 7 deadly sins. (Which as a Christian makes me laugh but that's a whole other blog post) The ironic thing I realized, in my many nights of pondering, is pride is not a word I would associate with how I feel in all this; it doesn't even come to my mind. Honored, blessed, my heart full to overflowing, but not pride.
God revealed something to my heart this morning about this entire thing. It isn't the honor that is the sin. The sin is in what we're willing to do to get it. I think that is where my lack of pride is in this honor. I didn't DO anything extraordinary or special to earn it. I love my students and my peers and I want to serve them in any way I can. Yes, I spend my nights and weekends working, and I'm working on that overworking habit. And yes, I take on extra duties, but that's about paying the bills, not wanting accolades. I wish I could cut that list down...tremendously! But the things I do in my classroom, the extra things I get involved in are not done for recognition. They're done because I have a desire to love others and serve those around me. I don't do the things I do because I want others to like me, but because I love others. And I will continue to do these things.
Love as you have been loved - abundantly, sacrificially, and with excitement! And if along the way someone wants to encourage you or honor you, then accept it. Revel in it. Enjoy it. And remember that one day your true goal is to hear those words, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."
May all the glory, honor and praise go to you, Lord, who has placed these people in my life and on my heart and provided for me to serve them. Amen!
