No one has ever called me a slow driver. Speed demon, always in a hurry, the names of relevant race car drivers have frequently been thrown at me in sarcasm. As I’ve gotten older, I have become much more careful about how fast I go, especially with the precious cargo I usually have in my car. Between my children, my grandchildren and my children’s friends, it is seldom just me in the car and hasn’t been for almost 30 years. So the other night when I was driving and a car came upon me flashing me with his lights to get out of the way, my stubborn side set in. Now, when it started, I could not have gotten out of his way if I tried because I was driving significantly faster than all the cars beside me. Plus, my moving wouldn’t have done much as I was in line and speed with the 4 cars in front of me. But once the flashing of his brights started, I wouldn’t have moved if I could have. In fact, my human side fully exposed, I would have loved to slam on my brakes. He was tailgating so close, he would have probably ended up in my back seat. However, I have enough bills, need my car and my grandchildren (who were not with me) are still traumatized from the car accident they were in with their mother in early December. So as my selfish, stubborn, human side may have been exposed, God did protect my mind enough to keep me from doing something stupid.
This morning I was playing catch up with my morning devotional (it’s been a rough week!) The first story was about a person who struggles with road rage. Immediately I thought of the other night. I could actually feel myself getting worked up again and even a little judgmental about the other car’s impatient driving. Then came a story about a woman impatient with waiting at an appointment. Luckily, this is an area I do better at. But the woman in the story was relaying how frustrated and angry she was becoming only to find out that the delay was due to a tragedy in someone else’s life. The prayer to follow stated this, “Lord, when I feel impatient, help me realize that others have burdens much heavier than mine.”
Instantly, my heart went back to the other night. Yes, maybe the driver of the car was just being obnoxious. But, what if they were rushing to get to a hospital to say a goodbye? Or maybe they were late to work. Or maybe they were rushing to get kids home. Or rushing to help someone who called with an emergency. Or maybe they were dealing with something on their mind and didn’t even realize it was coming through in their driving. How many times have I been on the road where in my heart I wish every one knew my urgency and moved out of the way? It is so easy for us to get our backs up with others. We need to give them what we want, not judgement, but grace.
As I read the prayer, my heart instantly cried out,” Yes, Lord! Help me remember how blessed I am to walk through this life with You by my side, on my mind, and in my heart. Let others experience that same love, patience and grace, that you show me, through me too.”
And now to step out into the world and live in a way that shows my heart.
“Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my Hope in you.” Psalm 25:5
Thursday, January 30, 2020
Friday, January 17, 2020
Just WOW!
"In love he predestined us for a adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ in accordance with his pleasure and will..."
Tonight is our youth group’s first night of small group. Something new we’re trying. I love our youth pastor’s passion for finding ways to help our kids get into the Bible so they can see that it is not so overwhelming but rather full of love and help. Unfortunately, due to a work special event, I will not be able to be there. So all week I have been praying for the leaders and those who may come tonight. I have also been praying through the scriptures they’ll be using tonight. I am so struck by this verse.
See, I am not the cute kiddo on Wednesday's child (a breakout on the news where they would highlight children needing adoption). I feel like the hot mess that they send on an errand when new adoptive prospects show up. we wouldn’t want to scare anyone so we’ll hide the unlovelies. Usually the problem kids. I mean who could possibly want me, right? I can't get it right; I keep messing up. I say I am a christian, but then sin daily, sometimes without even knowing it! I can definitely relate to Paul’s claim, “I am the worst! I do want I don’t want to do and don’t do what I do want to do!”
Yet before I was even conceived, I was predestined to be a child of God. The King of Kings, Creator of all things, chose ME to be part of His family; His child; His own; His. Being omniscient, He knew what a hot mess I'd be and He wanted/wants me anyway. That never gets old or less astounding to me. And He takes me, trash bag full of baggage and all. And not for some big pay day from the government or to use me for slave labor, but just to love me and be with me. Just WOW!
Abba, thank you for loving me so much even as I am. Some days I feel like the harder I strive, the further I fall. But you never give up on me. To surround me with your grace and mercy and love and help me start over again. Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for knowing me. Thank you for never giving up on me. Teach me how to love my neighbors the same way you love me. And may your word and promises never get old to my astounded heart. Amen.
Tonight is our youth group’s first night of small group. Something new we’re trying. I love our youth pastor’s passion for finding ways to help our kids get into the Bible so they can see that it is not so overwhelming but rather full of love and help. Unfortunately, due to a work special event, I will not be able to be there. So all week I have been praying for the leaders and those who may come tonight. I have also been praying through the scriptures they’ll be using tonight. I am so struck by this verse.
See, I am not the cute kiddo on Wednesday's child (a breakout on the news where they would highlight children needing adoption). I feel like the hot mess that they send on an errand when new adoptive prospects show up. we wouldn’t want to scare anyone so we’ll hide the unlovelies. Usually the problem kids. I mean who could possibly want me, right? I can't get it right; I keep messing up. I say I am a christian, but then sin daily, sometimes without even knowing it! I can definitely relate to Paul’s claim, “I am the worst! I do want I don’t want to do and don’t do what I do want to do!”
Yet before I was even conceived, I was predestined to be a child of God. The King of Kings, Creator of all things, chose ME to be part of His family; His child; His own; His. Being omniscient, He knew what a hot mess I'd be and He wanted/wants me anyway. That never gets old or less astounding to me. And He takes me, trash bag full of baggage and all. And not for some big pay day from the government or to use me for slave labor, but just to love me and be with me. Just WOW!
Abba, thank you for loving me so much even as I am. Some days I feel like the harder I strive, the further I fall. But you never give up on me. To surround me with your grace and mercy and love and help me start over again. Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for knowing me. Thank you for never giving up on me. Teach me how to love my neighbors the same way you love me. And may your word and promises never get old to my astounded heart. Amen.
Sunday, January 12, 2020
Emmanuel ~ God With Us (a poem)
I was listening to an audio book this morning in the wee hours before sunrise when this came to me.
God is with us in the rain and on the sunny days
He is with us in the joy and in times of pain
He is with us when we're sure and with us when we doubt
He is with us when we're like minded, when we argue and when we pout
God is with us when we see Him and He is with us when we don't
He is with us when we acknowledge Him and even when we won't
God is with us when we honor Him or stop to bring Him praise
He is with us when we follow Him or go off other ways
God is with us in the morning, afternoon and through the night
He is with us always; with His love, His grace, His might
His life was predicted, yet He came with no fuss
The lamb who died to save our sins: Emmanuel ~ God with us
mlb 01-12-2020
God is with us in the rain and on the sunny days
He is with us in the joy and in times of pain
He is with us when we're sure and with us when we doubt
He is with us when we're like minded, when we argue and when we pout
God is with us when we see Him and He is with us when we don't
He is with us when we acknowledge Him and even when we won't
God is with us when we honor Him or stop to bring Him praise
He is with us when we follow Him or go off other ways
God is with us in the morning, afternoon and through the night
He is with us always; with His love, His grace, His might
His life was predicted, yet He came with no fuss
The lamb who died to save our sins: Emmanuel ~ God with us
mlb 01-12-2020
Saturday, January 11, 2020
Light in the Darkness
This was one of the hardest holiday seasons I have ever had. I have spent the better part of the past year seriously struggling with some things both professionally and personally. There have been days that the only thing getting me out of bed or keeping me from rocking in the in fetal position is my Type A personality to never give up combined with my faith. But November and December brought events into my personal life that just got me stuck in the mire. I have felt as if I've been walking through a dream, or worse, a nightmare, rather than reality. I have felt constantly alone, even when totally surrounded. Not wanting this to continue, I have spent most of Christmas break focusing on how to get through. Spending my mornings immersed in my bible, my middle of the nights immersed in a book series about the spiritual journey (1) and my days immersed in prayer while continuing to attempt to navigate a truly chaotic life, I finally felt the Light breaking through the darkness. Nothing has really changed except what is changing within me. To quote the preface to Micah Taylor's Different, "In the midst of all this, the prayer that I kept saying was, 'Jesus, could you just change these things...Can you stop the storms,' but He's chosen not to stop these things just yet. And I'm finding out that sometimes the best question is not 'Jesus, can you change these things around me,' but instead, 'God, can you change me so I can handle the things that you're walking me through.'" (2)
A teacher by trade, working in predominantly low-income schools has always been my sanctuary. I've thought about leaving, but it's my mission field and God has made it clear for now that it's where I belong. However, recently it has become a separate source of struggle. Between state/district mandates, additional security measures that bind us, ever changing focuses, standards, procedures, and schedules, a lack of appropriate personnel, a lack of timely communication, and a heavy coat of negativity and self-concern, I have felt like a fish out of water. I start each day with so much hope, yet feel quickly weighted down by the environment. And from conversations with peers at other schools, it's not just my school having this problem. I go to work with one purpose in mind: to teach my content the best I can, to love my students with God's love, to support my peers, and to help my school as a whole in whatever capacity I can. I start my work day by praying for our school beginning the minute I pull through the gates and frequently prayer walk the campus when I arrive. Yet, lately, the darkness has been overshadowing.
So needless to say feeling so abundantly filled with peace while walking through a deep, dark, scary valley, I became anxious about returning to school. What if I couldn't stay in the peace? What if my lack of extra time to stay immersed left gaps? What if the negativity there was too much? I know, I know...I was walking on water and took my eyes of Jesus. As I look back, I can't help but shake my head at the irony.
This week, although a true test of my faith, has been such a lesson in God's provision. Poison darts of the evil one have been thrown in both my personal and professional environments, but every day God has provided salve for the sting. From an unexpected hug, to a surprise opening in my schedule that allowed me to get to my Bible/book study, to a flat tire that allowed me time with a dear sister in Christ, to constant refreshing scriptures and music. If I open my eyes, it is there. God knew that I needed more this week and so He put divine appointments in my path that reminded me of His presence.
"For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39 NIV
"So do not fear, for I am with you' do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you wit my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
Thank you, Abba, for your provision of all I need to get back into the swing of things. I know this will not be an easy path. I know that there will be more pitfalls and boulders, but with my eyes focused on you, I can do it. Thank you for reminding me that even when we get lost in the muck and mire, you will never leave us or forsake us and if we take the time to be silent and immerse ourselves, we will not only find you, but we will see evidence that you have been with us all along. Thank you for your sovereignty and for all you are teaching me, even though it is hard. And thank you for making me Type A so that I never gave up. May my journey bring you glory. Amen.
(1) Sharon Garlough Brown's Sensible Shoes Series (specifically volumes 1 &2)
(2) Micah Taylor Different
A teacher by trade, working in predominantly low-income schools has always been my sanctuary. I've thought about leaving, but it's my mission field and God has made it clear for now that it's where I belong. However, recently it has become a separate source of struggle. Between state/district mandates, additional security measures that bind us, ever changing focuses, standards, procedures, and schedules, a lack of appropriate personnel, a lack of timely communication, and a heavy coat of negativity and self-concern, I have felt like a fish out of water. I start each day with so much hope, yet feel quickly weighted down by the environment. And from conversations with peers at other schools, it's not just my school having this problem. I go to work with one purpose in mind: to teach my content the best I can, to love my students with God's love, to support my peers, and to help my school as a whole in whatever capacity I can. I start my work day by praying for our school beginning the minute I pull through the gates and frequently prayer walk the campus when I arrive. Yet, lately, the darkness has been overshadowing.
So needless to say feeling so abundantly filled with peace while walking through a deep, dark, scary valley, I became anxious about returning to school. What if I couldn't stay in the peace? What if my lack of extra time to stay immersed left gaps? What if the negativity there was too much? I know, I know...I was walking on water and took my eyes of Jesus. As I look back, I can't help but shake my head at the irony.
This week, although a true test of my faith, has been such a lesson in God's provision. Poison darts of the evil one have been thrown in both my personal and professional environments, but every day God has provided salve for the sting. From an unexpected hug, to a surprise opening in my schedule that allowed me to get to my Bible/book study, to a flat tire that allowed me time with a dear sister in Christ, to constant refreshing scriptures and music. If I open my eyes, it is there. God knew that I needed more this week and so He put divine appointments in my path that reminded me of His presence.
"For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39 NIV
"So do not fear, for I am with you' do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you wit my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
Thank you, Abba, for your provision of all I need to get back into the swing of things. I know this will not be an easy path. I know that there will be more pitfalls and boulders, but with my eyes focused on you, I can do it. Thank you for reminding me that even when we get lost in the muck and mire, you will never leave us or forsake us and if we take the time to be silent and immerse ourselves, we will not only find you, but we will see evidence that you have been with us all along. Thank you for your sovereignty and for all you are teaching me, even though it is hard. And thank you for making me Type A so that I never gave up. May my journey bring you glory. Amen.
(1) Sharon Garlough Brown's Sensible Shoes Series (specifically volumes 1 &2)
(2) Micah Taylor Different
Wednesday, January 1, 2020
Social Media Surprise
I have to admit that I am easily sucked into those little quizzes
on Facebook. It entertains me a little too much to find out which Disney
Princess I am, what song tells the story of my life, what I'll look like in 50
years. It can be quite a rabbit hole of nonsense, so I have been trying
to stay away from them. If fact, with everything going wrong...I mean
going on in my life lately, I've been limiting time on social media.
Since I have learned how to post without going on to actual sites, it's made
the temptation easier to face. But yesterday, after doing my chores, I
granted myself some frivolous time.
While scrolling through, I came
across a quiz I couldn't say no to: Which Bible verse did God write for
you? Knowing full well that it is just a random generation of verses, I
did it anyway. After all, the worst that would happen is I get a good
giggle and the best is that I would find a scripture that I could spend some
time with, right?
Wrong! I went down a
rabbit hole all right. One that God used to start my year off
right. I spent 25 minutes hitting try again and every scripture was woven
together in a blanket of Truth and unconditional love I needed to enter 2020.
"But the Lord stood with
me and gave me strength." 2 Timothy 4:17
"The Lord is on my side; I
will not fear." Psalm 118:6
"God didn't bring you this
far to leave you." Philippians 1:6
"Cast all your anxieties
on Him because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7
"Be strong and courageous;
do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever
you go." Joshua 1:9
"I am with you and will
watch over you wherever you go." Genesis 28:15
"'For I know that plans I
have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you;
plans to give you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11
"I have set the Lord
always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be
shaken." Psalm 16:8
"For with God nothing
shall be impossible." Luke 1:37
So social media may be a rabbit
hole, but as Joseph once said in Genesis 50, "What you have meant for
evil, God will use for good." What thoughts to start a new year
with. 2019 may not have been the year I wanted it to be, but thanks be to
God, and a silly Facebook quiz, 2020 will start with my mind right where it
belongs - focused on the one who is with me all the way. With Him
anything is possible! Happy New Year!
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