Reflection and Discussion Ch10 Q7

         Describe an area of your life, or role you have, where you feel like a wimp and you want God to make you a warrior.  Through dependence on Him, what would it look like for you to be “more than a conqueror through Him who loves you” (Rom. 8:37) in that area or role?

One area where I feel like a wimp is with daily life.  I so want to be a blessing in others’ lives.  I don’t ever want to be a burden on anyone.  And I want to serve God.  That being said, I tend to let people walk on me, I take on too much, I’m afraid to stand for what I believe in, I’m never sure what His path is for me.  I even crumble at having to call to rectify financial situations because I’m afraid of rejection; that my reason for failing won’t be good enough, that they won’t care, that I know I’m wrong.  I reach a point where I physically get overwhelmed and sick from it all, I keep myself up too late/get up too early trying to fit it all in/make it all work, which in turn takes an additional toll on my body, my pulse races and I just don’t even know what to do.  I want to be a warrior in life instead of such a wimp.

If I could become (or when I become because I have faith in my God who is with me) more than a conqueror, I would hear God’s voice when I try to make the decision what to do and what not to.  I wouldn’t feel like I have to make a split second decision, but rather would be able to take a step back and give it to God and wait on an answer.  I would not be as impulsive, but be more reflective.  I would not be so hurt because I’m too meek to speak up, but I’d be bold.  I would be able to admit that I’m human and can’t do it all.  I would pick up that phone and get the forgiveness and the help I need to provide for my family.  I would not pack my days so full and I would procrastinate less.  I would learn to say no…to someone other than just myself and God.  I would know the difference from the path God wants me to take and going down a path just because it will help someone.  I would be bold and courageous.

Reflection and Discussion Ch10 Q6

        What names and characteristics of God do you need to live “in dependence” on in your life right now?  Ask God to help you, and love for promises that assure you of His faithfulness.  Journal how your confidence grows as you depend on Him more each day this week.

I totally live in dependence of the following names:

Abba – My Father…Daddy

Emmanuel – My God with me

Right now I am also living in dependence of:

Jehovah Rapha – The God who heals me

Jehovah Jireh – The God who will provide for me

El Roi – The God who sees me

Jehovah Shammah – The Lord is there for me

Jehovah Shalom – The Lord is my peace

El Sali – God of my strength

Abba, I begin with thank you.  Thank you for being so much a part of my life and thank you for all the aspects you have to your character truly making You all I need.  I thank you for being Emmanuel, with me always so I am never truly alone.  Thank you, Abba, for being my Father who holds me close and comforts me.  There is so much going on in life at all times, yet each moment I need you in a different way.  I feel so weak and distracted lately.  El Sali, you are my strength when I am weak.  I often feel invisible.  El Roi,  you see me and know my needs.  You are Jehovah Jireh, providing for each of those needs.  With all the stress I’ve been under, my health has struggled.  Although the enemy is testing me through my health, you are Jehovah Rapha.  You are healing me – mentally, physically, spiritually – you are with me.  And in these tests and trials of life, I praise you for being Jehovah Shalom.  You are my peace; the peace that passes ALL understanding and helps me get through each day.  Thank you for these promises.  Thank you for being there when I call out.  Thank you for being real and for loving me so intimately.  Thank you for always being with me.  I lean on You, Abba, now and always.  Amen.

Reflection and Discussion Ch10 Q5

        What did you learn about the importance of knowing God intimately and experiencing aspects of His character to build your trust in Him?

I learned that without knowing God intimately, I can’t really benefit fully from the relationship, nor do I really know Him.  By knowing God by all His names and characteristics, I can better call out to Him.  Plus, I can see what He has done which helps build my trust in Him.  Unfortunately, I feel I am too often like Thomas.  “Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”  (John  20:29)  Once I have learned or experienced an aspect of His character, my trust is greater there.  However, I am in awe of some aspects of His character, but until I experience them, they don’t become real to me.  I wish I was less like Thomas so I didn’t have to experience so much, but I do love knowing God intimately!

Reflection and Discussion Ch10 Q4

         Have you ever prayed for God to change your circumstances and instead He changed you through your circumstances?  If so, describe what happened and how it helped you grow closer to Him.

     

      I think the biggest case of this would be my singleness.  I prayed for years for God to change my circumstances and send me the perfect man for me – a strong believer, with confidence in Whose he was, with financial security, etc.  Instead, God has changed me to show me the benefits of being single and to show me that through my singleness, my dependence on Him is greater.  He showed me that I have a hard time sharing my attention and my focus especially because I lack such self-confidence.  I constantly am trying to make the others in my life happy, and although I don’t want to risk my relationship with God at all, it tends to happen because I don’t know how to be all things to all people.  I spread myself too thin for those I care about and put Him last.  I still have moments of weakness where I long for a spouse – someone to hold me and tell me it will be okay; someone to be intimate with; someone other than me to help with decisions; someone to take us some of the slack.  I still would like to find someone “to do life with” someday, but for now, I am okay with how things are.  I see God working in my life to provide for my every need, I see the blessings in my singleness and most of all I know His unconditional, all encompassing love is just what I need.  I trust His plan for me.

Reflection and Discussion Ch10 Q3

         Sometimes life’s hardships make it hard to follow God consistently.  Do you ever ask God why life has to be so hard?  What did you learn from Gideon’s story?  How can his experiences about asking why and trusting God’s promises help you as you take the next step He may have for you?

I ask God often why life has to be so hard, but I’ve also learned that sometimes it’s my fault that it is so hard because I take so long to find the confidence to do what He wants me to do! 

I’ve loved the story of Gideon every since my daughter did a musical at our old church based on it when they were little. (Giddy Up Gideon)  I’ve always related to Gideon, because I’m a needs a sign person.  I want so much to just believe it’s God talking to me, but I just haven’t seem to have gotten to that point of confidence yet.  My head is so filled with voices and ideas and criticisms that my heart knows are not of God; that makes it difficult when I do feel like it’s His voice and plan to be sure I’m not just goofing it up…again.  But one thing I’ve learned from Gideon is that regardless of how useless we feel, God can and will use us.  He knows that in Him our power is perfect because it’s His power flowing through us.  I’ve learned that God may get frustrated, but He never gives up.  I’ve learned that He understands our unbelief and is willing to help us see what His will is.  I’ve learned that even when it’s my fault that I’m inconsistent, God will consistently be there when I get to the point He wants me. 

As for how can Gideon’s experiences help me – they give me confidence that God wants my why so He can empower me.  He may never answer my why, but He will show me the next step.  I don’t need to know why now because I, with my current eyes, can only see in part.  One day, when I am standing with Him, or before if it’s his will to reveal it, I will see in full.  By continuously remembering what God did for Gideon and has and will continue to do for me, I become ready for the next step as my confidence builds in who He is and what He can do through me!

Reflection and Discussion Ch10 Q2

        What mistakes or struggles make you feel like you can’t follow God consistently?  With each one, picture yourself walking to the cross and asking Jesus to speak words of grace over your guilt.  He invited you to “approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that [you] may receive mercy and find grace to help [you] in [your] time of need” (Heb. 4:16).

Every mistake makes me feel like I’ve veered from His path and every struggle leads to mistakes because I so often act before I ask what He’d like me to do.

Reflection and Discussion Ch10 Q1

         Have you ever blown it and felt like God was ready to give up on you?  Do you sometimes doubt God’s grace and patience with you?  If so, describe what happens and how doubt perpetuates more doubt and distance from God.

Daily I’ve blown it, but I’ve never felt like God was ready to give up on me.  I’ve wonder why He hasn’t, but I’ve never felt like He did.  As for doubting God’s grace and patience, I think more often my doubt is based on why God and I can’t want the same things.  I know that God has a plan for me and that I don’t always walk in the path that leads to that plan.  When I ask why, I never doubt that God is there, but why does the path have to be so hard?  Why can’t I get my will aligned with His?  Why can’t He just give me what I want, “just this once”?  It still perpetuates doubt and distance because the enemy whispers that I’ll never be who God wants me to be, but I know in my heart that God is waiting on me.  That of course, then creates more feelings that I’ve blown it.  I just get so angry with myself that God has to be so patient.  I’m supposed to be submissive to Him.  I’m supposed to always live my life for His will, yet I fall so often!  I don’t know how He can be so patient, because it’s so not in my human nature.  But His ways are not my ways, thank goodness, and He is stronger than me.  J  His grace is enough!  J

Names for God

Emmanuel: My God with Me (Matthew 1:22-23)
El-Channun: The Gracious God (Jonah 4:2)
El Hanne'eman:  The Faithful God (Deuteronomy 7:9)
El Roi:  The God Who Sees Me (Genesis 16:13-14)
El ha-Gibbor:  The Mighty God, God the Hero (Isaiah 9:6)
El Shaddai:  The All-Sufficient God (Genesis 17:1-2)
El Sali: God of My Strength (Psalm 42:9)
El Olam: The Everlasting God (Genesis 21:32-33)
El Elyon:  The Most High God (Daniel 4:34)
Elohim:  God, My Mighty Creator (Genesis 1:1)
Jehovah Jireh:  The Lord Who Will Provide for Me (Genesis 22:13-14)
Jehovah Rapha:  The Lord Who Heals Me  (Exodus 15:26)
Jehovah Nissi:  The Lord My Banner (Exodus 17:15-16)
Jehovah Shalom:  The Lord My Peace (Judges 6:24)
Yahweh Tsuri: The Lord My Rock (Psalm 144:1)
Jehovah Rohi: The Lord My Shepherd (Psalm 23:1)
Jehovah Shammah:  The Lord is There for Me (Ezekiel 48:35)
Abba: My Father (Psalm 68:5-6)

God's names are a promise of who He is. (pp. 194)

Chapter 10 Overview

When Doubt Whispers "I Can't Follow God Consistently"

"When I come to the Lord after I've blown it, I come with only one appeal:  His mercy.  I've no other defense.  I can't escape my biggest problem:  me!  So I leave the courtroom of my own defense.  Because of what Jesus has done, God looks on me with mercy.  It's my only appeal, it's the source of my hope, it's my life."   ~Paul David Tripp

She begins this chapter with a scenario we've all been through.  One where we totally lose it and become the absolute worst example of ourselves.  One where we've let the little things get to us and we just explode.  One of those times when absolutely nothing goes right, but rather every step is like a minefield in which not only is there tension to step, but with every step we're setting off a bomb and each progressively getting stronger.  Finally, we are the final bomb blowing up at the ones we love.  She talks about the next day, when she awakens overwhelmed with shame and guilt.  She then reveals the truth she learned:  she needed His peace in the midst of her storm, but she didn't even think to ask Him in the heat of the moment.  Instead she had allowed her emotions to run wild within her.  Oh, how I could relate to the story.

She talks about how, when she finally did approach God with the situation and was blessed by His grace, He reminded her of men and women in Scripture whom He used greatly - despite their downfalls. I too was blessed by God, in that He began to call to my mind how many of the recollections in the Bible are stories of triumph coming from tragedy or failure: David, Abraham, Paul/Saul, Peter, Martha, Gideon, the centurion, Noah, Jonah - the list goes on and on.  She learned that our hearts can be set free from guilt-induced doubt and we can find grace-induced confidence.  There are still consequences and it may take a lot of time to restore relationships, but God's forgiveness sets us free.

"I want you to know we all blow it, but God offers grace (unmerited favor) to cover our guilt.  Satan wants us to think we're the only ones who mess up, but it happens to all of us, every day."  (p. 186)

Grace could stand for God's Riches At Christ's Expense.  She used to feel far from God, having to work through periods of inconsistency with God.  She's been through seasons of self-sufficiency or unbelief or other sins.  Finally she'd get defeated and wonder what's the use in trying if she was only going to fail again.  But she has learned it's not about trying harder.  It's about turning sooner to God's gift of grace.  Grace is undeserved favor.  We don't have to earn it and we can't lose it when we act undeserving.  It is expensive, but it has already been paid for.  It's not a license to sin, but rather when you've truly received it you want to return the gift by offering up your life to Him.

She tells the story of Gideon who was the least likely leader to guide the Israelites to victory, yet he did.  In this story, God is very patient with Gideon in the time it took him to trust God completely.  Although Gideon's faith was inconsistent, God's love and patience were absolutely constant.  We, like Gideon, often wonder why life has to be so hard; why certain things must happen; and may even feel abandoned by God in the midst of troubled times and disappointments.  However, our feelings don't change the fact that God keeps His promises - He will never leave us nor forsake us.  Asking why isn't unspiritual.  However, if asking why pushes us farther from God rather than drawing us closer to Him, then it is the wrong question.  Gideon's why drew him closer to God because God's answer helped him to focus from hard things that happened in his past to what God was about to do: be part of the solution.

In the story, Gideon knew about God, but he didn't know God personally.  He knew what others had said about God and about what He had done in the past.  Gideon's perception of God included feelings of reverence but also feelings of abandonment.  Gideon must have been seeking God and desiring to follow Him, because God chose to come to him and to use him.  We may have that same problem; we may know about God, but we may not know God personally.  Close relationships are built over time when we share life together.  To build a relationsip with God and get to know Him personally, we need to spend time with Him, talking, listening, and observing who He is.  Our depth of knowing God comes when we depend on Him and discover that He is dependable.  We learn to trust His heart by interacting with Him and experiencing His character in personal ways.  God has several names that show who He is and what He does for us.  By learning to look into our lives and see Him in these ways and by calling Him by these names while we pray, we are getting to know Him in His nature. 

Returning to Gideon, she emphasizes how God uses this story to show His patience with us.  Every time Gideon takes two steps forward into confidence in God, he takes a step back.  Yet God never gives up.  When Gideon asks for signs of confirmation, God knows His need and loves His heart for seeking Him whom the path of life and strength comes from and gives those signs.  God is asking Gideon to face an army of 153,000 with followers of a few hundred.  He wants Israel to see that in Him all things are possible.  Even in the final moments before battle, God knows Gideon's need.  When He tells Gideon that this is the time, He tells him, "If you are afraid to attack, go down to the camp with your servant Purah and listen to what they are saying.  Afterward, you will be encouraged to attack the camp."  (vv. 10-11)  God knows Gideon personally.  He knows and loves him for wanting to do God's will, but also that he is trying to conquer his fears.  God gives Gideon everything he needs to be strong; to find confidence in God's plan.  When Gideon walks in confidence, his followers walk in confidence.  "Gideon learned to follow God more consistently by depending on God's strength instead of his own.  He shifted his focus from doubting himself to believing his God."

God wants us to live dependent on Him not independently.  However, the enemy is ready and waiting to whisper doubts.  We need to be ready to fight those doubts with God's promises.  When you feel weak; like you can't do it...remember Gideon's story and know that God is patiently waiting for you.

Praying God's Promises:
     Lord, than You that I can approach Your throne of grace with confidence and receive mercy and find grace to help me in my time of need.  Because of Your mercy and forgiveness, my guilt-induced doubt is replaced by grace induced confidence.  Help me trust You with all my heart and not lean on my own understanding, acknowledging  You in all my ways so You can make my path straight.  Those who know Your name trust You, Lord, because You have never deserted those who seek Your help.
     I want to know You as Emmanuel - My God with Me; El Hanne'eman- My Faithful God; El Roi- The God Who Sees Me; El ha-Gibbor- God My Hero; El Shaddai- My All-Sufficient God; El Sali- God of My Strength; El Elyon- The Most High God; Jehovah Jireh- My Provider; Jehovah Rapha- My Healer; Jehovah Nissi- My Banner; Jehovah Shalom- My Peace; Yahweh Tsuri- My Rock; Jehovah Shammah- The Lord is There for Me; and Abba- My Father.  In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.