Wow, today during my bible study time it was war of the worlds! I felt so convicted and had to keep stopping to pray, yet every time I prayed there was that hated whisper of doubt and lies. Yet, God is faithful, and although I'm sure I will be tested, I am thrilled at what I heard! My lesson today was about not just working for God, but working with God. There is a difference. I was asked what effect my belief that "we are already experiencing disciplinary judgement like that described in Isaiah 5:1-7" has on the way I live. I realized that I try so hard to bear good fruit, to be a light, to love, HOWEVER, I do it where I deem it's fit to be done. To truly bear good fruit to the fullest, I need to see where God is wanting me to bloom and bear. He can do in a moment what I would take my life trying to do.
In the course of praying about this, God gave me this little jewel of His knowledge: I often shy away from things because I am only one and I don't really matter. Jesus was only one and by working with His Father, obeying His Father's will, He saved the whole world - past, present and future.
Now, the "it only takes one" philosophy has taken the world by storm, especially throughout my lifetime and maybe that's why I've been so skeptical about it. As one, I've joined many a thing and saw now positive responses. But that's not the key in what God showed me today. It's not the joining the fight...it's joining His work. There's a difference there. As I'm typing this, I think about so many "only ones," like Mother Theresa. She could have joined the opposition and been a part of an army making a difference for her country, but she heard God telling her to love, at a time when she was the only one to love, but he worked through her. John the Baptist, he could have joined the disciples and followed Jesus, but he instead prepared the way...the only one.
I'm not going to lie, that I'm scared about this knowledge. He calls me into action knowing I'm only one, but you know what, I've spent years being only one. The only one parent my children have actively in their lives, the only teacher in the classroom battle every day, but more so, the only one holding myself back from doing what God asks. I live in fear of being only one, but because of that I have isolated myself to being only one. I know this is not going to be easy, and I know I'm going to fall and have to get back up, but I have a choice to make. I've got a crisis of faith and I must choose: truly be God's servant and adjust my life to be about His work or say I'm a servant and only serve in my will. Yes, it's still serving and some good may come of it, but oh what could happen if I serve with God instead of just serving for God or in His name!
Oh, Abba, my heart and head are so stubborn at times! Forgive me, please, forgive me. Lord, I want to be your servant. I was created for your purpose and to serve with you and to serve you. Help me, Lord, help me to see where you are at work. Help me to know how to join you. Help me to quiet the voices that contradict this plan; the self doubt and the lies. Help me to adjust my life so I may better do Your will, where you need, in your timing; help me join you in what you are about to do. Most of all, Abba, thank you for your gift of knowledge. Help me never forget that although I am only one you are with me and in me. And Abba, in you ALL things are possible! Amen
