Overflowing

“So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.”

Colossians 2:6-7 NIV

Have you ever had a moment where you just see God's presence so greatly that you feel as though you might burst?  As I sit hear with tears in my eyes, I feel as if my heart is overflowing.  I feel so full I could burst!  

There are moments in our lives where worry or burdens, temptations or challenges, to do lists or calendars are so overwhelming that anxiousness sets in.  Anxiousness is not always based on negative  events in our lives.  Like kids awaiting Christmas morning or a long awaited vacation, anxiousness could be based on positives. Anxiousness has plagued me since I was a little girl.  I often dream of snakes (which I am terribly afraid of) when I'm anxious.  I can remember the first time I put the 2 together.  I was 5 and my family was going to Disney World for the very first time.  I couldn't wait!  Excited was not the right word; I was anxious.  And although my days were filled with plans of all the things we were going to see and do, my nights were filled with nightmares.  38 years later, I still have nightmares when I'm anxious; good or bad.

As I have grown in my adult years, I have recognized how my anxiousness overwhelms me.  Nightmares can lead to physical effects and at one point in my life I was so burdened with anxiousness I couldn't function properly.  I was sick often and that led to feeling inept and depressed.  Doctors prescribed medication to help, but it only helped sometimes, and a family history of addiction made me anxious about taking the meds.  It became just another stressor, instead of a tool to help.  I realized, in my case, I needed something different.  That's where my talks with God came in.  

I prayed for years for deliverance from this plague.  One day I realized that I was praying for relief but planning for disaster.  I wasn't walking in the faith that had so long been my constant companion in regards to this part of my life.  I said I trusted God, and I did with "that", but this, well, this was just too big.  My daughters were involved in a year of youth events where Jeremiah 29:11 was the focus.  One day it suddenly hit me that God knows the plans He has for ME.  Not just the kids or the others I see, but for me too.  His plans are to prosper me and not to harm me.  They are plans to give me hope and a future.  But what if???  NO!  He numbered our days before we were even created in our mother's inmost womb.  He can see the beginning and the end because He IS the beginning and the end.  We only see part of the puzzle but He sees it fully.  There is nothing I face that He doesn't know, doesn't have a plan for, or can't handle.  In fact He had it under control even before I knew about it.  He knows the plans He has for me.  No one ever said there would never be trials or bad days.  In fact, God's word promises persecutions, problems, and temptations.  But what is also promised is that He is with us and will never ever leave us or forsake us.  Sometimes we scramble in the dark, feeling alone, when if we would just open our eyes we could see the Light.

Dont't get me wrong, I still have moments of anxiousness, but now that I know those moments are part of God's plan, I have armed myself with an Arsenal to help me through.  I have also realized that this is my Achilles heal; my deepest weakness.  Satan will use it every chance he gets to tempt me away from God's life for me.  God knows that too, and He has armed me with the armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-18).  When I hear those whispers of "too much," I remind myself of God's plan (Jeremiah 29:11).  When I feel weak, I remember He is strong (2 Corinthians 12:9-11).  When I feel doubt, I ask for help overcoming my unbelief (Mark 9:24).  When my heart feels jittery, I ask God to know my heart (Psalm 139:23).  I pray that God will open my eyes so I may see the wonderful truths in his law (Psalm 119:18).  Sometimes I catch a glimpse of the abundance and how my cup truly overflows.

This is one of those times.  The past 3 months have been a whirlwind and filled with enough...positive and negative....to make anyone anxious, overwhelmed, and exhausted beyond belief.  Yet I am blessed to see that not only has God held me together, but His presence and provision are overwhelming!  My heart is free and overflows with joy, love, and thanksgiving!  I praise Him for all He's done and for the plans He still has yet to do.  What a great gift to give the One who made it so!

Abba, thank you for this time. Thank you for the good and the bad and especially for the way you use it all for good in our lives.  Thank you for your provision, your presence and your perfect peace in even the most unperfect circumstances.  Thank you for choosing to bless us so abundantly.  Thank you for the chance to share your love and the words to use this time to bring you glory. May we continue to grow in you and may our mustard seed faith grow mightily and be deeply rooted in the fertile soil of our hearts.  Amen.

Pregnant with Hope

"For you have been my hope, Sovereign Lord, my confidence since my youth. From birth I have relied on you; you brought me forth from my mother’s womb. I will ever praise you. I have become a sign to many; you are my strong refuge. My mouth is filled with your praise, declaring your splendor all day long....As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more. My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds, of your saving acts all day long— though I know not how to relate them all. I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, Sovereign Lord; I will proclaim your righteous deeds, yours alone. Since my youth, God, you have taught me, and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds. Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, my God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your mighty acts to all who are to come. Your righteousness, God, reaches to the heavens, you who have done great things. Who is like you, God? Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once more.”   Psalm 71:5-8, 14-21 NIV

A few weeks ago, our youth pastor gave a sermon.  In the midst of talking about the advent season, he used the phrase 'pregnant with hope' and instantly I smiled.  He had put words to the feelings overwhelming my whole self.

This advent has been such a sacred time.  My oldest daughter is pregnant with her first child, due right in the heart of this special season.  I can't stop thinking of Mary and her anxious anticipation of the birth of her sweet baby.  Much like Mary's, this baby was a surprise.  At first such shocking news that many were unsure what to think.  The timing was not of our choosing.  There was a denial of reality, especially since the pregnancy didn't reveal itself for 26 weeks.  (Which I have since learned is not so unusual.)  My daughter, not quite as young as Mary, but at 24, still seeming young for such a big undertaking.  The initial reaction was fear, but also of submission; ready or not for this change, a baby was coming.  And God's hand was obviously in it.  You'd have to work very hard or be quite blind to see it any other way.  

The funny thing to me has been the peace that I've had.  God has placed in me a wisdom and discernment; an encouragement and a calm spirit (all things I'm not always known for, especially in regards to my children).....and hope.  For as long as I can remember my life has been filled with hope.  Regardless of how hard it has been, every morning I awaken with hope.  Sometimes considered foolish, sometimes brave, often naive or juvenile...but always there.  I have, over the years, put on a jaded shell to protect my heart, but anyone who really knows me, knows it is an act.  My heart is tender and full of hope.  

During this whirlwind pregnancy, there have been challenges.  Yet never once have I doubted.  There have been moments of medical concern.  Yet I feel a confidence I can't explain.  There have been moments of surrender.  Yet I have had the strength to let go and seek help - I am not very good at that.   I have had the blessing of seeing God's hand at work.  Oh, what a gift during advent!   And the anticipation is so palpable that I feel I could burst!  But it's not just for this sweet baby's birth, rather it is for the hope I see in all the lives surrounding this.  I am pregnant with hope!  Hope has so filled my soul that words cannot express the joy in my heart.  I do anxiously await the birth of my first grandchild, Lorelai Grace, but even more I await to see all that God has in store!

Lord, I thank you for this advent season and the way you have chosen to make the nativity story real and new for me once again.  As the psalmist declares in psalm 71, "My mouth is filled with your praise, declaring your splendor all day long....As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more."  Thank you for choosing our family for this amazing gift.  Thank you for the new life you are bringing into our midst and for the baby joining our family.  Thank you for your watchful hand upon her and her parents.  Most of all, I thank you for the promise you have placed in my heart, for you know the plans you have for each of us; plans to give us hope.  Amen.