Reflection and Discussion Ch9 Q7

         How can you transition from going to God with a list to going to Him with a listening heart?  What are some practical things that can help you relax and listen to God in the midst of your busy life (walking, journaling, listening to music, taking a bubble bath, etc.)?

This is one that’s going to take me some testing and trying to find what will work.  I am learning not to be afraid of the silence so much and new scriptures (or maybe rediscovered ones would be a better way to put it) are definitely helping me relax in the midst of life.  I already walk, but my son talks the whole way; I want to journal more; I definitely find Him in the music; bubble baths used to be a favorite until the only bath tub was in their disgusting “they won’t clean it” bathroom- now going in there brings stress not peace; so like I said, we’ll have to do some trial and error to find what will work for me.

Reflection and Discussion Ch9 Q6

         Which of God’s promises in this chapter will you cling to so that you don’t lose your footing and slip into a pit of discouragement?

“The Lord will work out his plans for my life- for your faithful love, Lord, endures forever.  Don’t abandon me, for you made me.”  Psalm 138:8 NLT  (LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this one! J)

Reflection and Discussion Ch9 Q5

         What will you do for the next thirty days to make sure you have a date (Determine A Time Everyday) to be with Jesus?  Is there someone you can ask to help or to hold you accountable to spending time with God, so you can listen more closely for His plans, rest in His promises, and experience His peace?

       I already have a DATE with Jesus every day, but I would like to find a time to spend more time with him.  I think I need to start journaling again so that I can look back and see what He’s done in my life more.

Reflection and Discussion Ch9 Q4

      If Jesus came to your house this past week to spend time with you, would you have been able to walk away from unfinished laundry, dishes, or emails if He wanted to talk with you?  Imagine hearing Him say, “You are worried and upset about many things.”  What were some of your many things?

I absolutely would be able to walk away from all those things, because I’ve been walking away from them for months!  My problem would be that I couldn’t allow Him to come in.  We’d stand at the front door, with it closed behind so He couldn’t see in and talk while I obsessed and hoped He didn’t notice how bad the grass needs to be cut, how high the weeds are, and everything behind the door, etc.

I am worried and upset about many things: the house is a disaster; there are high cost things that need to be fixed; the house is probably going to be taken from me, then what do I do – go to Mom’s where stress will be high but cost will be low or look for something else when I really can’t afford it; I can’t afford my son’s meds and the mortgage/rent; the med themselves – how long do we stay on them, do we try the behavioral one, drug interaction, will he ever be able to live without them; I keep leaving things undone to do other things; my daughter’s coming home from college and I don’t know how I feel because she doesn’t respect me or my rules and she is teaching my son things I don’t want him to know; my other daughter is seldom home and I’m angry because I feel like she’s chosen her friends over me and I know this is her senior year and she won’t get these chances back, but I won’t get this time with her back either and I feel left out; I can’t get the school and the doctors to agree with what my son needs to be successful and aren’t I suppose to know what that is, but I’m so confused by the differing points of view; I don’t like all the changes in education and they’re making me lose my desire to do my job; I can’t decide if I like teaching kindergarten again since being told I’d be better in a more academic grade; I don’t know what I’m going to do tomorrow much less next year; should I get a second job (need more money vs. what it will take of me from my son); I could go on all day…

Reflection and Discussion Ch9 Q3

           Do you ever catch yourself wondering if God notices everything you are doing?  Do you ever doubt you can do all He has called you to do?  Are there some things in your life He many not expect or want you to be doing?

Absolutely!  And sometimes He puts me in my place by showing me that I either am not doing as much as I think I am, or that I’m doing tons…that He didn’t ask me to do and have neglected what He did.  I need to pray more about what He wants me to do as opposed to what I think I should do.

Reflection and Discussion Ch9 Q2

     When you get overwhelmed, do concerns ever consume you?  If so, what does that look like in your head and heart?

       I wish I could say no, but I can’t.  It looks obsessive.  Once I become overwhelmed I tend to not be able to turn back the thoughts.  I cry – A LOT.  I can’t let go.  I become physically sick and I vacillate from not being able to get out of bed (or having to force myself out) and not being able to sit still because at least if I’m moving something might change.  My heart feels lonely and broken and hurt and sad.  My head is angry and wants to take it out on everything that comes in my path.  Yet, most tragically, that is only while I’m in my home.  Once I walk out the door, I put that cracked mask on hoping it holds together so people won’t know how truly overwhelmed I am.

Reflection and Discussion Ch9 Q1

          How often do you feel exhausted, anxious, scattered, or depleted?

All the time.  After reading this chapter I understand a little more why my doctor has made some of the decisions that he has made.  I pray that God will continue to help open my eyes as I learn to trust more in Him. 

Chapter 9 Overview

When Doubt Whispers "I Can't Stop Worrying"

"Rehearsing your troubles results in experiencing them many times, whereas you are meant to go through them only when they actually occur."  ~Sarah Young, Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence

This chapter...WOW!  My poor friends and family (really my blessed friends and family) have had to listen to quotes from this chapter all week long!  So much in here.  And so much that God showed me about me.  For the first time in over a year, I've stopped arguing with my doctor about why I'm sick and started accepting he could see something I couldn't.

She begins by talking about a time in her life a few years ago when she was just so exhausted.  Her husband suggests her taking some time away to just spend some time with God, but she just can't concentrate.  Her mind is so distracted that she takes her dog's seizure medicine instead of her allergy medicine.

We become so overwhelmed today with all the things we have to do.  And even if we can live in the today, we're already worrying about tomorrow.  She illustrates through the story of Mary and Martha to show us truths.  First, Mary was very pushy, listing all the the things she wants Jesus to do.  We tend to do the same when we pray.  We live with a list of all we need to do and problems we need God to solve.  Second, she pointed out that when circumstances in life feel out of control, we start trying extra hard to control things in our life: our family members, clutter, etc.  Mary tried not only to control her surroundings, but even Jesus when she told him what to he needed to do.  Jesus told Mary that she was "worried and upset about many things."  We often don't realize it.  Our minds our constantly moving and we don't always notice the worry creeping in.  Worry changes nothing about that which we worry about.  In fact she uses the acronym Worry Only Robs Rest from You.  It robs us physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually leaving us exhausted, anxious, scattered and depleted.  Most of all it pulls down our guard and lets doubt creep in.  She quotes statistics from Max Lucado's book Come Thirsty and the end result is that only 8% of our concerns are real problems that we can influence.  8%.  I found it amazing that 92% of what I worry about is just useless worry.  We need to discern which of our "many things" are good things and which are God things.  We can fill our lives with many good things, but they may not be the things God has intended for us.  Instead, like Martha, we overextend ourselves, become consumed with "many things" and sacrifice the Real Thing - our relationship with Jesus.  Spending time with God should be a high priority and she gives many suggestions as to how:

Plan a D.A.T.E. - Determine A Time Every day to spend time with Jesus.  A time that fits into your life (not waking up early if it takes you 20 minutes to clear the groggy-ness or at night if you can't hold your eyes open), and remember that it doesn't have to be the same time everyday.  Maybe M-W-F you walk with Him or listen to an audio bible and then come home to journal what He's telling you.  Then T-Th you have lunch with Him.  The point is to be intentional about it.

Set Realistic Expectations - If you are just starting out, make it 10 minutes and build from there.  The more time you spend with God, the more time you'll want to spend with Him.

Create a Setting for Two - Make a prayer area where you can get away from distractions to meet with Jesus.  It could be as simple as a chair set aside in your bedroom where you keep your Bible, journal, and pen. 

Read God's Word - Everything you need to know about God is in His Word. 

Journal What God Shows You - Take time to write down what He's showing you, or scriptures, so that you can remember them later.  It's the best way to take captive your thoughts and listen to God's truth over Satan's lies.

Use Scripture for Conversation Starters - Insert your name or others' names into scripture to be sure that you are praying God's will

Reflect on God's Faithfulness - also write down thoughts and prayers so you can go back and reflect on what God has done.  Then when you find yourself struggling, you can cling to God's faithfulness by reading your journal and reflecting back on how He's come through for you again and again.

Renee also talks about how quickly things become overwhelming and how we don't always see the damage as it's occurring.  She talks about a year that was especially difficult with challenge after challenge; some good challenges, but challenges just the same.  She felt initially like she was handling it all so well until one day she realized how scattered and forgetful she was becoming.  After a little investigation, she determined she had gotten ADD.  Her doctor, asked her a few questions, then reminding her that people do not just get ADD in their forties.  She informed her that she had developed stress induced anxiety, which left undetected then became anxiety induced depression.  She argued that this wasn't depression because she had experienced that years ago.  "I went through depression twenty years ago.  I know what it felt like.  This is not the same.  I don't want to commit suicide, although I would be really happy if Jesus came back soon.  I don't stay in bed all day, although I am exhausted all the time."  Her doctor kindly told her (as mine has been trying to tell me), that this is different.  Renee discussed feeling like the writer of Psalm 73, "But as for me, my feet had almost slipped; I had nearly lost my foothold." (v.2)  Then she realized she had lost perspective by looking at how well others were doing despite their lives. 

She realized, as did the writer of the psalm, that the only way to restore her footing and find the strength she needed was in her relationship with God:

"Yet I am always with you;
     you hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
     and afterward you will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
     And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
     but God is the strength of my heart
     and my portion forever."  (vv.23-26)

Paul gives us a prescription for God's peace.  In Philippians 4:6-7NLT, he tell us, "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need and thank him for all he has done.  Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.  His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."

Stop worrying- press the pause button on my consuming concerns
Start praying- open my mouth and tell God what I need
Keep thanking God- remind my heart of God's goodness by thanking Him for what He's done.

It sounds so doable, yet is so hard because Satan is whispering doubt into our hearts.  We need to boss our hearts around and fill them with God's word so that He can guard our hearts.  The pit of discouragement is NOT part of His plan for us.  "When things you want to control start controlling you, ask God to help you let go and trust that He is in control."  Talk to Him instead of talking to yourself and remember to seek Him, not just serve Him. 
    

Praying God's Promises
     Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way.  When concerns consume me, remind me that You are with me, holding me by my right hand and guiding me with Your counsel.  Though my flesh and my heart may fail, You are the strength of my heart and my portion forever.  Help me turn my burdens over to You, knowing that You will take care of me. 

     Because You are my shepherd, I shall not be in want.  You promise that when I dwell in the shelter of the Most High, I can rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  You are my refuge and fortress, my God in whom I trust.  Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You preserve my life; You stretch out Your hand against the anger of my foes, and with Your right hand You save me.  Thank You for making known to me the path of life and filling me with joy and peace in Your presence.  In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Scriptures to Lean On

Psalm 16:11 "You make known to me the path of live; you will fill me with joy in your presence."

Psalm 23:1 NASB  "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want."

Psalm 25:4-5 "Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths.  Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my savior, and my hope is in you all day long"

Psalm 91:1-2 "Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust'"

Psalm 138:7 "Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life.  You stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes; with your right hand you save me."

Psalm 138:8 NLT  "The Lord will work out his plans for my life - for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever.  Don't abandon me, for you made me."

Reflection and Discussion Ch4 Q4

         How have past hurts robbed you of hope and affected your relationships today?

I think first and foremost they have made me question everything I do.  I even question why I question things.  I don’t trust myself, I don’t trust others, and often I find myself lacking trust even in God.  I trust God, but I find it hard to daily live that by putting my trust in Him for everything.  The final part creates an anger within me at myself; a disappointment that I can’t let go and let God be in control.  I’ve seen in the past 2 years that I have become very controlling about many things that I’d never noticed before.  I also have become afraid of allowing others in or near my life.  There’s an analogy in the movie “One Fine Day” that I’ve always really identified with.  Michelle Pfieffer is explaining why she can’t let George Clooney help her and says, “I’ve got all of these little balls up in the air (mimes juggling).  And if somebody else caught one for me, I’d drop them all.”  So it definitely has affected my relationships…I don’t have many.  I’m watching my kids, who I’ve been closest to, slowly edge me out of their lives as they grow up – which is as it should be in the sense that they’re growing up and becoming more independent and wanting to experience and build a life outside of our family.  I have very few friends that I can count on daily, much less when I really need something, and even less that I have reciprocal friendships with in; meaning friendships where there is give and take and sharing and walking together through life.  Most of my “friendships” are people that lean on me but don’t call or check in or anything until they need something, even just prayer.  My January, for example, was so tumultuous and people knew, yet no one called to encourage or support me, nor help me.  BUT, I feel that I’ve somewhat created that by trying to do it all on my own for so long.  And I have no other types of relationships because I’m too afraid to make that jump again.  My girls were very hurt in my efforts to have a “relationship-relationship” when they were young and that broke my heart worse than his leaving.  I don’t feel strong enough to go through that again.  So I made friends, but then that crossed a line and now I have a son who is hurting from being fatherless.  So, again, I isolate for fear of the pain.   And the longer life goes on this way, the less hope I have that it will change.  It’s not that I don’t believe it can, because God works miracles every day.  However, I choose to believe that maybe God’s plan doesn’t include those things for me because it hurts to hope.  Deep down?  imhopeful4ever.  On the surface, daily living?  My wall is tall and thick.

Reflection and Discussion Ch8 Q7

         Has God allowed you to walk through experiences through which you can see Him working for good in your life or in the lives of others?  Do you, or will you, use these experiences to minister to others you meet along the way?

I don’t tend to see them working for good at the time, but I often can when I look back or come into a new situation.  For example, when my daughter was little she caught a very rare illness.  At the time it was scary because so little was known about it and the internet wasn’t as viral yet so finding information was still something new for me.  It was very uncommon in the US and the only reason her doctor knew about it was because she had just come back from a Doctors Without Borders trip in Africa.  As a single mom, it was scary to listen to them talk and not know what might happen next.  It was an experience in faith at the time.  Several years later, I had a friend who’s daughter was sick and they couldn’t figure out why.  She happened to mention her symptoms in a conversation with me the day they finally went to the hospital and I mentioned that it sounded similar to what my daughter had.  By giving the doctor my child’s diagnosis, they had a new place to start from and although this child’s case was much worse (maybe because they had to wait longer to identify), they were able to treat her and she made a full recovery.  I didn’t see at the time why I had to go through what I did, but when I talked to my friend, I immediately knew that I went through my experience to help her through hers; not just medically, but emotionally.  It’s happened more times that I can count.  As a mom, I have moments when I just want to fall apart from all my kids have had to go through, but as a teacher and woman; God has used my experiences to help others going through similar things. 

As for working for good in my life, I’ve noticed that God often makes me walk in the paths of people I judge – even if I judge unknowingly.  I used to turn my nose up at women who had kids from different fathers and weren’t with any of the dads.  I have 3 children, but 2 different fathers, neither of which are/were mainstream parts of their lives while they are/were growing up.  I used to get frustrated watching this mom at work whose son used to hit her and scream at her on campus.  I’d think, “She needs to take the reins back and remind him who the parent it.”  Then my son was diagnosed on the autism spectrum and as his issues rose, I was that parent.  I’ve since met that mom again.  Her son is now in therapy and making progress- those episodes are few and far between.  In fact, she was the reason and recommendation that my son saw the therapist that got him started on the right path to learning to deal with his disorder and challenges.  Not only has God used many experiences to shape me, but He’s also taught me a lot about not judging people.  J

As for; will I use my life to minister to others?  As long as God needs me to, I’ll do the best I can.  Will it make a difference?  That’s not up to me.  I’m just to be available for He is able to do all things.

Reflection and Discussion Ch8 Q6

          Read the following verses and summarize what each has to say about the importance of our spiritual gifts: 1 Corinthians 12:1, 4-7, 11-12, 17-20.  These verses describe the importance of understanding and using our spiritual gifts. 

       “Now about the gifts of the Spirit, brothers and sisters, I do not want you to be uninformed.”  1 Corinthians 1 

       I want you to know about the gifts of the Spirit that come from me.  Learn about them.

   

    “There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord.  There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.  Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good.”  1 Corinthians 12:4-7

     God gives all of the gifts out – they all come from Him, but they are different.  God doesn’t give the same gifts to everyone because He has a different plan for everyone and the gifts God gives you are specific to the work and the service God has intended you to do, however, the use of them of them is for everyone one; they all work together to benefit the common good – His plan, just like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.

       “All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines.  Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ.”  1 Corinthians 12: 11-12

     All of these gifts are the work of the One True God and He gives them out as He has planned in accordance with His will.  We are all part of His plan, just like all the parts or our body are part of our one same body.

      “If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be?  But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.  If they were all one part, where would the body be?  As it is, there are many parts, but one body.”  1 Corinthians 12: 17-20

      If all the gifts were the same we would be missing out.  Like the parts of the body, you need all of them to do their separate, individual, specific job so that when they work together you have the whole body.  It is the same with us.  We each have our own separate, individual, specific job, but when we do it and it comes together with the others doing theirs, we can accomplish the plan God has for us.

Reflection and Discussion Ch8 Q5

         How did the servant with the least amount of talents perceive His master?  Have you ever felt like God didn’t give you as much talent or ability as He’s given to others?  Have you ever buried your abilities because you didn’t think they mattered?  Has not using your God-given abilities impact your sense of purpose or your relationship with God?  If so, how?

The bible says he was afraid of him.  He knew he was a hard man, unfair and sowing and

gathering that which wasn’t his.

I definitely think I’ve felt like God didn’t give me as much talent or ability as He’s given to others.  But in that same sense, I feel that the talents He has given me are less subtle and more internal: empathy, encouragement, a praying heart.  The ways people state I’ve been used I don’t see because I didn’t really do anything.  That doesn’t mean I haven’t been insanely jealous over the talents or abilities He’s given others.  I still struggle with it.  And I’ve definitely probably buried abilities because I didn’t think they mattered.  I’ve spent so much time over the past 40 years trying to do things that don’t come naturally to me and be someone that doesn’t come naturally to me, but rather trying to be what I think everyone wants from me that I can’t possibly have used my abilities.  It has a definite effect on my relationship with God as well.  I feel dissatisfied, discontent and like a failure because I haven’t been who He has created me to be.  Each time that I try to be someone else, I feel horrible after because the things I do aren’t the real me.  And then I feel like a failure for not just being who God created me to be, which makes my confidence drop and….it’s a vicious cycle!  I wish I were strong enough to stand.

Reflection and Discussion Ch8 Q4

        What are some of your abilities?  If that is hard to answer, list things others have commented that you do well.

I see:                                                   Others commented:  (I don’t see most of these)

Praying                                                Planning

Caring for others                                  Organized

Giving                                                 Positive

Encouraging                                         Leader

Available                                              Thoughtful

Storytelling                                           Energetic

Filling in                                               Expressing myself (I find this a joke)

Technology                                          Creativity

Ability to adapt to change                       Good with people

Good with medical stuff                        Strength

Good with kids                                     Knowing what others need

Innocence                                            Knowing where to go

Perseverance   

Cook/Bake

Directions                    

Reflection and Discussion Ch8 Q3

        “Just as a target is designed to narrow the aim of an arrow, God uses the desires of our hearts to narrow the focus of where He wants our lives to make a mark for eternity” (p. 144).  Do you believe God created you with unique desires and dreams?  If you know what they are, list them.

I absolutely believe that God creates us with unique desires and dreams, but I’m not sure I know what all of mine are anymore because I spend so much time push them back. 

Some of my greatest desires are:

Being loved/cherished/wanted

Raising children that love others and love God

Encourage those around me

Helping others

Making the unloved feel loved (especially children)

Showing others the good they overlook

To have my family feel whole

To not be embarrassed (or have my children be embarrassed) about my life

To not have to daily worry about how to make ends meet (or almost meet)

Some of my greatest dreams are:

To travel

To learn to be content

For my children to grow up healthy and be happy doing something that makes them feel alive; to marry good people that treat them with love, respect, adoration and honor; to raise families with solid Christian ideals

To be seen as having my father’s and my Father’s eyes and to make a difference like they did

To live my life fully for and in God

Reflection and Discussion Ch8 Q2

         What personality type describes you best?  Is there a second personality type that is also strong?  Are you content with the personality God gave you?  If not, what do you wish was different about yourself?

I made this a little experiment with a 2-fold identification for myself.  First when I looked at the lists, I indicated which things I see in myself now and which I saw in myself as a teen.  Then I sent the lists to my immediate family and 2 closest friends to see what they would put.  I then compared the lists that were returned to me (shockingly, my daughters didn’t do it).

As for myself, I used to be sanguine and now fall into melancholy.  I saw very few strengths in myself now, but had most of the relational challenges in every category.  When I look only at the needs I would have said that I was a dead ringer for sanguine.  I do need affection, approval, and would like some attention and interaction, but I’ve learned how to live without those, so most of the time I’m content when I don’t get them.  Affection and approval I actually long for and spend many nights crying about.  On the other hand, I also wish for understanding, stability, and support, but my life doesn’t lend itself to those things and I’m content with the stress because it’s all I know.  As for space and silence?  I HATE them both because they allow my brain to think too much and that hurts my heart creating more melancholy.  It’s a vicious cycle!  J

As for the people who looked at it regarding me, that was interesting.  My brother hated the thing because he feels that many of the relational challenges are good things not bad.  They are driving forces so he marked very few.  He views me as choleric (and ironically the only person who indicated I’m opinionated).  One friend found me under melancholy with sanguine a high second.  The other found me under sanguine with choleric very close behind.  

I think the best part of this was seeing the qualities that they all (or most) agreed I show.  I was surprised, but it was also empowering and encouraging to know that I am seen that way even if I don’t feel it or see it in myself – especially by those who know me best:

Considerate, reliable, good organizer, task oriented, excels in crisis, humorous, creative, planner, organized, fair, empathetic

And those we all agree I need to work on:

Perfectionist, discontent, denial, workaholic tendency, takes on too much

Reflection and Discussion Ch8 Q1

        “Comparison causes us to compete with each other, but no one wins.  God never intended for us to compete with each other; He wants us to complete one another, celebrating and encouraging each other’s strengths while discovering who He created us to be” (p.137).  In what areas do you tend to compare yourself with others and feel like you don’t measure up?  What did you read in this chapter that can help you break free from the comparison trap?

I think it’d be easier to look for areas I don’t tend to compare myself with others and I never measure up in any area I compare.  I’ll give the area that discourages me the most:  Relationships- everyone seems to be able to find someone to care for them, to find them attractive, to pay attention to them.  Even when I go out into an environment that encourages that, the only guys that talk to me are the ones that are married and came along as a wing man or designated driver and want to talk about their wives and kids, or I get the freshly injured that are looking for a therapist to help them get their loved one back.  It’s almost a joke at times.  I’m not looking for a one night stand.  I want a companion to grow through life with me.  It’s all I’ve ever wanted for as long as I can remember, so naturally (or humanly), it’s the area I compare the most.

I think the thing that has helped me the most in this chapter was the encouragement that God needs me to be who I am to be a part of His plan.  I loved Lysa’s cake analogy.  And even in my head I can think that maybe I am the way I am so those guys that are there for their friends support don’t make a stupid mistake that would hurt the families that they love or make a step that would bring them down instead of lift them up.  But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt to not be seen as desirable or worthy or a good parent or any of the other ways I compare.  I’m working on it and constantly reminding myself that I am fearfully and wonderfully made; I am chosen and loved; I am part of a bigger plan and that I too will be used for good to complete His purpose

Chapter 8 Overview

When Doubt Whispers "I Don't Have Anything Special to Offer"

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs.  Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and then go do that.  Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."  ~Harold Thurman Whitman

She begins the chapter by retelling of a group activity in which she was to share "What do you love to do?" and "If finances were unlimited and failure was unlikely, what would be your dream?"  So many of us may not know the answers to these questions, really, because either we've never really thought about it or we feel we have nothing special to offer.  Rather we spend our time trying to be who others want, expect or need us to be.  She calls it the "disease to please,"  (I have it in spades!)  which tends to make us candidates for burnout and never feeling like we measure up to others. (Oh can I relate!)

However, "God never intended for us to compete with each other; He wants us to complete one another, celebrating and encouraging each other's strengths while discovering who He created us to be."  When we compare ourselves, we are setting ourselves up for insecurity, discontent and confusion.  We can never truly measure up because we compare how we feel on the inside to what we see on someone else's outside.  So we try to make our outside match which depletes our feeling on the inside. (vicious cycle) "But in fact God has place the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.  If they were all one part, where would the body be?  As it is, there are many parts, but one body."  1 Corinthians 12:18-20

The only way to break free from this trap is to embrace who you are and why.  We are made the way we are for a reason; God has a purpose for us.  What we like, our strengths, what we need are all necessary parts of the unique way God made us for the purpose He planned for us long ago in His ministry.  She validates that it is easy to neglect our dreams and desires to meet the needs of others and call it self-sacrifice.  However what we're really doing is shutting down a place in our soul where God's dreams and gifts are waiting to be revealed.  It is God-seeking to intentionally get to know and become who God created you to be.

Our personality is one aspect that makes us unique; it is our most natural way to do things.  We all have strengths and what she calls "relational challenges."  She goes further to identify 4 personality types described in Florence Littauer's book Personality Plus.  In reading the traits listed and after praying for God to help her be her natural self, she started to see a pattern to desires and emotional needs.  Many people may be a mix of two types.  "If God knows you, has a purpose for you, and loves you just the way He made you, I have no doubt He wants to help you get to that place of acceptance as well.  When you embrace who God created you to be, you will find confidence and joy." (pg 142)

(I needed a dictionary to read the traits and asked my immediate family and 2 friends who know the real me to help me too - as I too often can only see the negative in me, as well as fearing that maybe I was in denial about some of the challenges.  Ironically, when it came to relational challenges, my choices matched others almost exactly, however my brother made the comment that some of those challenges were positive not negative traits.  As for my strengths, I had a harder time seeing those because I know my inner thoughts.  I do things, but don't like to!) 

She returns to the question "What would you do if neither time nor money was an issue?"  She states that after the initial trips, purchases, and burdens we'd relieve from our lives, we get to our heart's greatest desire; that thing that brings your heart to life.  Since your heart is the core of who you are, it is the truest you.  The desire of your heart indicates your God-given passion.  We need to guard and listen to our heart instead of silencing it and listening to the voice of sacrifice and duty.  We need to take time to find our heart's desire.  "It's time to ask ourselves the question: 'Am I doing what God may be calling others to do, while leaving undone what He is calling me to do?'"  (pg 143)  By finding our deepest delight in our personal relationship with God and allowing His Word to shape our thoughts, He promises to shape our desires. 

We often don't feel adequate to do what we're sometimes asked because we covered with a blanket of insecurity.  However, God doesn't ask us to be able, He asks us to be available.  He is able to accomplish all things.  What He needs from us, is to be available to be the vessel He uses.  We need to choose if we are going to be like the 3rd servant in Matthew 25:14-30.  Are we so insecure that we just hide our treasures in the ground and not allow them to be used, but rather to be wasted?  Whether we think God isn't fair, doesn't love us as much because we don't exhibit the talents of others or are just afraid, God wants us to be available for His use.  It reminds me of one of my favorite songs by Ginny Owens.  In the chorus, God is responding to several different biblical characters suffering from insecurity.  His answer to their doubts?  "There's a bigger picture you can't see.  You don't have to change the world, just trust in Me.  I am your Creator; I am working out my plan.  Through you I'll show them I Am."  By discovering our abilities, talents and spiritual gifts, we can be used by God.

Our abilities are the natural talents given at birth and yes, we all have some.  No matter how big or small they may seem, they are God given and WILL be used by Him.  You have something to offer that will make a difference.  However, the important part is to focus on what we have and not what abilities we do not.  If we are faithful in the little things, God will trust us with more and then we get the joy of being used to fulfill His purpose. 

Although our talents and abilities are natural at birth, spiritual gifts are received at our spiritual birth.  Once you accept Jesus as Lord and Savior you are given His presence and His present.  This is a gift that has been thoughtfully chosen by God for us so that we may fulfill His plans for us.  It is our part that helps us to complete the body of Christ.  To discover it, there are three main ways: recognize your giftedness through experience in serving, ask someone who knows you well and has seen you serving, or ask yourself "What gives me a sense of joy and fulfillment when I am contributing to ministry or something of spiritual significance?"  Remember this is what equips you to fulfill God's purpose, His design for your life and for Him to work through us to meet needs in others.  Romans 12: 5-8 describes 7 motivational gifts that Renee listed:

Prophecy - often has spiritual insight into situations; can be a powerful prayer warrior or truth-teller

Teaching - enjoys explaining why things are true; sees the need for biblical knowledge and understanding; loves to learn and share what they learn

Exhortation - loves to encourage the faith of others and help them grow spiritually; feel compelled to share God's encouraging words and give practical advice on how to apply God's truth in everyday life

Mercy - feel compelled to help people reduce pain; many have experienced pain and can therefore empathize with others' hurts

Service - often end up doing what no one else likes to do; demonstrates love by serving people and enjoys helping others while meeting their needs; usually prefers behind-the-scenes assignments

Giving - might have unique financial insight; often has the resources to meet needs, and enjoys sharing material blessings; sensitive to how money is spent and saved

Leadership - strong sense of duty; like to oversee and organize projects and find things for people to do because you see the big picture; good at planning for the future while working to keep everyone on track

Most importantly, don't forget that God uses our life experiences, both good and bad, to reveal His purpose.  That is why it is so important to allow God to restore our past and redeem the pain for His glory and others' gain.  (Chapter 4) Sharing an analogy from Lysa TerKeurst: Like making a cake, each ingredient if tasted separately has a different flavor: sweet, dry, bitter, etc.  When mixed together they rise up and make something wonderful.  But if even just one of those items is missing the treat would not be complete.  Jesus wants to use all of our experiences to complete us and to use us to complete His plan. 

Each of us has been designed by God with the desire to make a difference.  He has given us everything we need: desires, personality, abilities, gifts, and experiences.  "Before the creation of the world, God chose you to be in His story - to be adopted as His daughter (or son), grafted into His family, cast in a leading role, and used for His glorious purpose.  Being chosen means you have something special to offer that can make a difference.  You are no longer isolated and disconnected.  You are wanted, and you belong!"  (pg. 152)  God chose you and now it's your turn to choose.  Choose wisely.  Choose to become the person God created and designed for you to be and you will not regret it!  :)

Praying God's Promises
O Lord, You have searched me and You know me.  You created my inmost being and knit me together in my other's womb.  I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful and I am one of them.  Help me to stop comparing myself with others so I can become the woman You created me to be.  I'm one of Your masterpieces, created anew in Christ Jesus so I can do the good things You planned for me long ago.  Remind me that You promise to fulfill Your purpose for me and that You will not abandon the works of Your hands.
I surrender my personality, heart's desire, abilities, spiritual gifts, and experiences to Your purposes.  I delight myself in You, Lord, trusting You to shape the desires of my heart to match Yours.  I want to seek and serve Jesus in all I do, for in Him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love as each part does its work.  In Jesus' name I pray, Amen. 

Holy Week Pondering

I find myself being intensely focused on Peter this year during Holy Week and I know it's from the aspect of this study.  We so often think of Peter as the ultimate disciple - I mean, hey, Jesus called him the rock.  Yet so much of what happened in the final days could have kept him from reaching his full potential if he let his failures become fatal.  He goes from the rock to being called Satan in 5 verses.  Then he can't stay awake at the watch and finally he proves Jesus right (shocking! LOL) when he hides in a crowd and denies Jesus 3 times.  And those are just the big ones.  However, although he mourns his failure, he isn't bogged down by condemnation.  He is convicted and this saddens him, but he can fail forward and get back up again because his confidence is found in Jesus.  He knows who he was created to be because Jesus told him!  So instead of falling to the same despair that Judas does, he stands tall and tries again, carrying Jesus' salvation to future generations.  He is an absolute encouragement to me!  God may not have stood in front of me and told me who He created me to be, but He did create me and I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  He makes no mistakes and to quote the old song from camp, "God don't make no junk."  He has created me for a purpose and He knit in me qualities that I am to bring to the body to make it whole.  He has a plan for me and will carry on a good work in me.  I just have to continue to get up again and keep trying.

Abba, thank you for helping me yet again, see something in the recount of Holy Week I've never seen before.  Every time I read it, You make it fresh and new.  Thank You for showing me how putting my confidence in You, I too can stand strong and live for You.  Thank You for never giving up on me, but rather promising to complete Your work in me.  I may not be who I want to be in You yet, but I am closer today than yesterday and with Your help I am growing.  Thank you, Lord, Amen.

Reflection and Discussion Ch7 Q7

        “Every time you fail to be the woman God calls you to be, or the woman you expect yourself to be, let God remind you of the progress you’ve made.  Even though you may not be quite who you want to be, you are not who you used to be!  You get that much closer to who you are meant to be every time you fail forward” (pg. 132).  List your personal “failing forward” statements.  Carry them with you this week and share them with a friend!

Reflection and Discussion Ch7 Q6

         Describe a time when you felt condemned (by yourself or someone else).  What would the difference have been if you had processed the situation through the filter of conviction instead?  What steps can you take next time to usher in restoration instead of condemnation?

I think that my problem is when I am convicted I often condemn myself for not doing (or doing) what I’ve been convicted about.  When I am condemned by others, God have convicted me to know that these are not His thoughts.  If I accept His conviction, then I can use His promises, His guidance and His merciful love to usher in restoration.  But I’m having to retrain myself to do that as opposed to taking His conviction and turning it into my condemnation!

Reflection and Discussion Ch7 Q5

         What is the difference between condemnation and conviction?

Condemnation makes you feel like a failure, overwhelms you with guilt and can make you feel hopeless.  This does not come from God.  Conviction nudges you to make a better choice or a change.  This is God’s way.

Reflection and Discussion Ch7 Q4

         Have you ever felt like you fell into one of Satan’s traps?  How will you let his accusations lead you to Jesus in the future?

I wish I could say no, but I know that I have.  Since starting this study, when I feel those accusations that I know are not of God, I take them to Jesus.  I use the scriptures hoping they will help me fight, but there are times I’m so weak and I just need help.  I’ve found a friend who helps keep me accountable and I ask her to help me challenge the accusations with God’s Word.  “For where 2 or more are gathered in My name, there will I be also.”  Matthew 18:20

Reflection and Discussion Ch7 Q3

            Jesus knew Peter would fail Him, yet He still saw beyond who Peter was to who he could become.  How does it make you feel to know the same is true in your life?  Write down an area where you are feeling like a failure or are afraid you might fail, and ask Jesus to help you confidently fail forward even if you have a setback.

I find tremendous comfort in the fact that Jesus knows who I could become and is patient while I go through the molding and struggles of reality and obstacles to become that person.  I do worry sometimes that I am going to make a wrong turn and move away from there, but so many promises remind me that He will continue the good work He started in me and is not willing to leave even one of His precious lambs behind. 

Parenting my children to know, love, respect and depend on God

Jesus, thank You that You are so willing to work on me; to mold me into what You know I can become.  Thank You that even when I see nothing but failure in the mirror, You see more.  And thank You for promising to finish the good work you have started in me.  Abba, my biggest fear is that I will fail to give my children a relationship with You.  All else I can offer is nothing if they don’t have that.  Lately, I’m not sure where they stand.  They seem to be struggling trying to find their way.  Their lives do not show You in the steps. They see themselves as good people by society’s standards and that’s enough.  They don’t seem to see or feel the importance of a real and living relationship with You.  They know You are there, but don’t live like You are their driving force.  I don’t know how to change that.  My relationship with You is so much a part of me.  I so often can’t find words to express it.  Help me to show them that.  Open their eyes to see.  Help me plant seeds that will grow.  Fertilize their hearts to get it now so they don’t have to go through the battles I did to find what I have.  And when I fail, as I so often do, help me to get back up and keep confidently walking in you.  Help me to fail forward and help them to do the same.  In Your name, Jesus, I pray, Amen.