Where's the race taking me????

This morning I was reading a devotional from Katy McCown (First 5).  It ended with this prayer:

"Dear Jesus,
           I want to run the race marked out for me in 2019 with my eyes fixed on You.  Set my pace that it may complement, not compete with, your purposes.  In Jesus' Name, Amen."

Instantly I reached for my journal.  I had to write this down!  I don't do goals or resolutions...they only make me feel bad about myself.  But this prayer?  This was perfectly my heart.  As I was writing, I found myself, like most of us do, making adjustments.  My personal addition to the prayer looks something like this:

Abba,
        I believe with every fiber of my being that you know the plans you have for me.  I believe they are plans to prosper me and not to harm me.  I believe that your plan is to give me hope and future.  I just have no idea what that plan is or which way to go.  I have a tendency to get stuck in the rut of life, Abba.  It becomes my track and I run this race on it.  Afraid to change lanes too much.  Afraid to leave the track and run somewhere else.  Afraid to slow down.  Afraid to look like I don't know what I'm doing or where I'm going.  Unable to focus on anything except everything around me that is trying to threaten my race - schedules, jealousy, confusion, emotion, etc.  Focused on the train wreck I can't seem to avoid, I plow on through as fast as I can. 

But that is NOT what I want for 2019.  I want to run the race YOU have marked our for me.  I want to keep my eyes fixed on you so securely that even when those distractions come, they are no more than a passing glance for you and I to discuss.  I want my pace to complement your purpose for me.  I don't want to compete with you, because I know your way is better.  My pace is exhausting in a life draining sort of way.  Your pace is easy, your endurance is light; your endurance is steadfast.

For 2019, I need you!  You have made it clear to me that I have to make some changes.  There is a restlessness in my heart nudging that it's time.  I am confessing that not only am I terrified, but that I have no idea how to do it or what changes to make.  Be my running partner.  Or even better, my pace car!  Guide me on the path to your plan for me.  Show me the way and the speed.  Put blinders on me to train my eyes (& my heart) to be fixed only on you.  And may 2019 be the year that you want it to be for me; filled with your best, with learning experiences that grow me in you, and without all the pitstops for my wayward injuries from plowing through without you.

2018 was all about grace.  May 2019 be all about your plan.  And may it be the best year yet!

A question for you today

Okay, my faith filled friends.  Deep thoughts:  I want to ask a question I've been pondering for years, but has been weighing on my mind heavily the past few days as I pray for a sweet family I know and follow through a prayer group on Facebook, as well as share with others.  Let me start by sharing a snapshot of their story:

On December 26 their sweet baby son made his entrance into the world to face insurmountable complications from a wrapped cord, including the strong possibility of never waking up.  After many starts and stops, hills and valleys, tests/labs and discussion, the decision was made the on December 31st, to remove the baby from all tubes and allow Jesus to bring him home.  As of 9:30pm January 1st, he is still alive, and decisions are needing to be made for the next step...all of which point to how far to go with assistive measures until he passes - hours, days, weeks, months. or years from now.  People on the prayer site (now 1.7K strong) are now sharing their miracle stories with the family to encourage them through this time.

So here is my question:  How do you pray fully for a miracle but not allow yourself to get selfishly caught up in the expectation that it will happen? 

I believe that God can and does do miraculous things everyday.  I've seen them, read about them and even lived them.  But I find myself praying for this family with caution and worrying about them getting their hopes up based on the miracle stories others are sharing.  Can God choose to save this baby and have him grow and flourish in this world?  Absolutely!  I believe with every fiber of my being that He can.  But what if He doesn't?  What if that is not the plan?  What is this is just a piece of an ever bigger thing we can't see?  God's plan is perfect but we can't always see it all.  We don't know how this moment plays out in the whole picture of God's plan. How do we pray for the miracle but also guard our heart to know that it might not be His plan?  If we declare the miracle - accepting preemptively that it is God's ability and plan, are we veering into our own belief of how it should be, rather than trusting God to do what is best in all that we can't see yet?  Kind of like saying, "I know you CAN do this and so you WILL do this." Demanding in our hearts/expectations as we ask in our prayers.  Then, we get ourselves so assured as we "rest in our knowing" of God's plan that we fall horribly if that is not the path or choice or result.  Then we crack open the door into a crisis of faith as we wonder why God didn't choose us.  Did we do something wrong?  Was our faith not strong enough?  Are we being punished?

I find myself praying with caution:

I know you can do this Abba, but if you don't, give us/me the strength and courage to deal with it, the wisdom and discernment to understand, the peace to accept it, and the faith to hold on in hope for all of your plan.

Is my faith weak?  Do I believe, but struggle with unbelief?  Am I allowing fear to hold me back from the miracle that could occur if I just reached out and touched the hem? Am I being too practical?  Although it is this situation that has my mind here now, it is true for every prayer request I make.  I wonder all the time.

So today's blog is not a statement, but rather a question.  It's a conversation starter and I hope that you will comment where you stand.  I will be continuing to look to God for my strength.  I will be holding on to His promises and searching prayerfully through His word for answers.  Hebrews 6:19 reminds me that "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure."  So IMHOPEFUL4EVER!

Just a few of my favorite verses about hope:

You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety. Job 11:18

At least there is hope for a tree: If it is cut down, it will sprout again, and its new shoots will not fail.  Job 14:7

Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.  Psalm 25:5

We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield.  Psalm 33:20

Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him.  Psalm 62:5

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,  through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.  Romans 5:1-5

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.  Romans 12:12