Disappointed

"Now in the morning, as He returned to the city, He was hungry.  And seeing a fig tree by the road, He came to it and found nothing on it but leaves, and said to it, 'Let no fruit grow on you ever again.'  Immediately the tree withered."  Matthew 21:18-19 NKJV

This morning's devotional was all about disappointment.  Jesus came upon the fig tree and was disappointed.  I was thinking how (once again) God planned for things we could not foresee.  Although we all experience disappoints in normal everyday life, during this particular time and event in history it is even more prevalent.  If fact, before I had even read this today, I had already been talking to God about this topic.  I was asking for His wisdom, discernment and creativity to help make this Holy Week real for my family.  We can read aloud from the bible accounts or watch a movie and that's fine for most of the house, but at 2 and 4, my grandchildren need more.  He has already blessed me with ideas to bring the triumphant entry (I just love how that sounds) to life today.  But what about the rest?  I'm disappointed that there won't be church services.  I'm disappointed that Sunday won't be filled with flowers and new clothes and egg hunts.  I'm disappointed that I won't get to see my friends and celebrate with them.

Disappointed is a good word for this time in history.  People are disappointed that businesses are closed.  They're disappointed they can't congregate.  Parents and even kids are disappointed that schools are doing remote learning.  (Trust me, families, most teachers are too!  It's hard!)  It's disappointing that birthday celebrations, weddings and even funerals can't happen.  There's disappointment for the students that are at transitional points; no moving on, no graduation, no prom, no grad bash.  And for athletes or athletic supporters the disappointment is REAL.  I mean NO sports???  What is this world coming to????  And don't even get me started on the disappointment I feel when I go to do our essential needs grocery shopping...

But as I was thinking about all of this two thoughts came to mind.  First, how many of these things do we typically take for granted?  Day in and day out, weeks, months, even years go by where we do these things and take part in life, yet never really think about how much it means.  The other night during prayers I asked my grandchildren what they were thankful for, as I do every night.  My granddaughter, who is at the stage where she's getting lots of talks about being ungrateful, asked if God took the cookies from Publix because she forgot to be thankful for them.  As I giggled through tears, we talked about the fact that God didn't take them away.  They're temporarily gone until the big sickness is all better.  But we also talked about how important it is to be thankful for what we have, even the smallest things.

She brought up another point though that many people have struggled with.  Can't God just make this all go away?  It's the age old question of why do bad things happen to good people.  I could go off on a tangent here about what really is good, but instead, I want to focus on the fact that sometimes we need to go through dark, scary, frustrating and disappointing times to learn.  If you sit and look back at your life, how many times did something good happen because something bad did first?  I was heart broken when my high school boyfriend broke up with me my junior year.  And it led to a series of bad decisions.  But recovering from those things gave me a strength I didn't know I have.  They led me to a faith that has been strong enough to face even worse times.  It freed me up to concentrate on my family my senior year.  And it made the connections that led to 3 beautiful children and 2 amazing grandchildren.  Was everything rosy in between?  Absolutely not, but I learned and grew.  I was devastated when I got divorced, but the strength I developed as a person, the help I've been able to give others, the bond I developed with my children, and so much more came from that.  I've been through things that have rocked my world, made me question life and yet changed my existence. 

It doesn't even have to be on that big a level.  We can look at small things too.  My son and I were hoping and planning to go on our church's mission trip to Honduras.  The dates changed making it conflict with summer camp.  I prayed about which one was the right choice.  I didn't ever hear a clear answer so I didn't get a ticket for Honduras.  Little did I know then that there was a super virus lurking and I would need that money for groceries.  God knew.  There are so many moments, big and small, in my life.  Too many to consider them coincidences.

That leads me to point two; how many things happen in our life because of plans that don't go our way?  I've wanted to be a stay at home mom since I was a little girl.  Being a single mom that was never an option.  Right now I'm getting to stay home, home school my grandchildren,  support my son, and teach all at the same time.  Is it exhausting?  Absolutely!  Is is frustrating?  Yes!!!  Am I struggling with balance and boundaries?  Totally!  But I'm also loving it!  I love seeing their faces when we discover or learn something new.  I love being in control of where the learning goes.  I love watching my son (14) lead lessons and the bond and relationship that is being forged between him and the littles.  Being "stuck" at home has helped us get projects done, changed our eating habits, increased exercise, find new ways to communicate, and even broken the ice of some relationships that have been broken.  Is it all roses and cupcakes?  No.  But it is a start.  And we would NOT have had it were it not for this time.

Disappointment is hard.  And we all need time to mourn the things that we miss.  But if we really look, there is beauty that comes from the ashes.  God truly does know the plans He has for us and they are plans to prosper us.  Unfortunately, we sometimes have to face the bad to find the good; experience the loss to remember the love; hurt to be healed.

"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps."  Proverbs 16:9 NIV

Dear Lord, it is so hard to face the disappointments of this life and to experience the hard and trying times.  It is not your will for us to feel pain, but it is in our human nature to fight it.  Help us be patient, as you are patient with us.  Open our eyes to all you are doing, especially in during these trying times.  Open our hearts to being pliable to the molding of you, for you know what is best and your ways are better than ours.  Forgive us when we grumble, comfort us when we mourn, give us grace when we go the wrong way.  Thank you for the reminder of all you have done in my life.  May it remind me always that you are trustworthy, true and for me, even when I can't see it yet.  And thank you for simple things like cookies at Publix and the lessons then bring.  Amen.